Master NLP Practitioner & Gestalt Therapist
What is matching?
One basic difference between mirroring and matching is timing. This is sometimes called pacing. While mirroring is simultaneous with the other person’s movements, matching can sometimes have a ‘time delay’ factor to it. For example, if someone is gesturing while talking and making a point, you can be still and attending. When it is your turn to speak, you can make your comments and your point using the same, or similar gestures.
There are other types of matching:
Cross over mirroring is choosing to match one of your behaviours to a corresponding, but different movement of another.
For example, if a person is blinking rapidly, you may cross-over match by discreetly tapping your finger at the same rate as they are blinking; or pace the rhythm of someone’s speaking with slight nods of your head or your breathing.
Mismatching is also a useful skill to master. Have you ever had someone go on and on and on when having a conversation with him or her…when you wonder if they will ever stop talking?
You can break eye contact, turn your body at an angle to them, breathe faster or slower in contrast to their breathing…in short, do anything to break rapport by mismatching. You will be surprised how quickly and easily the conversation will draw to a close.
You will find you hear and observe other people in more detail as you learn these basic NLP rapport skills. Paying attention to others in this way is a process of building trust, and the more elegantly you mirror, match and crossover match, the more your customers will turn into “raving fans.”