Some of the benefits of NLP include:

• Clarity of vision, purpose and values

• Neutralise/Eliminate negative thoughts

• Improved soft skills and greater confidence and command in activities such as public speaking

• Overcoming limiting beliefs

• Gained control of life

• Improved communication, management, leadership, presentation and coaching skills

• Improve leadership and teamwork skills

• Improved concentration

• Developing stronger & healthier relationships

• Become more resilient

• Reduce stress, anxiety and tiredness in life using skills and coping mechanisms

• Peace within self and with others

• Helps to get over unwanted/bad habits

• Therapy for psychological disorders such as anxiety, phobia, depression

• Business - sales, leadership, negotiation, presentations, customer relations

• Coaching - helping clients achieve goals, overall sense of fulfillment, more confidence

• Education - learning, dealing with learning difficulties, teaching

• Health - allergies, weight loss, chronic illness

• Sports - improved focus, overcoming bad performances

NLP training includes various levels, from Introduction level to Master trainee.

• Respect for the other persons model of the world.

• The meaning of the communication is not simply what you intend, but also the response that you get.

• The mind and body affect each other.

• People respond to their experience, not to reality itself. The map is not the territory.

• Every behaviour has a positive intention. Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have available. People make the best choice they can at the time.

• Behaviour is geared towards adaptation.

• Accept the person; change the behaviour.

• Behaviour and change are to be evaluated in terms of context and ecology.

• People have all the resources that they need to make the changes that they want. We already have all the resources we need or we can create them. There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states.

• Possible in the world and possible for me is only a matter of how.

• The system (person) with the most flexibility (choices) of behaviour will have the most influence on the system - Law of Requisite Variety

• There is no failure, only feedback.

• There are no resistant clients, only inflexible communicators.

• Having choice is better than not having choice. All procedures should be designed to increase choice and develop greater personal flexibility.

• All procedures should be designed to increase choice and wholeness.

We form internal mental maps on the basis of how we filter and perceive the information around us. It is unique to every individual.

• Neuro - the nervous system (the mind) processes our experience via our five senses

• Linguistic - how we code the information around us and internal thoughts to make sense of them

• Programming - how our body responds to this information via behaviours and thoughts

The neurological system regulates how our bodies function, language determines how we interface and communicate with other people and our programming determines the kinds of models of the world we create. Neuro-Linguistic Programming describes the fundamental dynamics between mind (neuro) and language (linguistic) and how their interplay affects our body and behavior (programming).

• Have the explorer imagine or remember being near the substance that causes the allergic reaction. Have the explorer get fully enough into the experience that he or she begins to get some of the discomfort associated with the allergy. The more of the physiology associated with the symptom that can be brought up the better - especially physiology that is not typically under conscious control (i.e., eyes watering, skin flush or pale, coughing, sinus congestion, throat tightening, etc.). Explore which submodalities intensify and deintensify the degree of the discomfort.

• Establish an anchor [A1] for a dissociated state.

• This can be done by giving the explorer the instruction to "Lean back comfortably and tilt your head and eyes upward. Visualize a thick glass shield between yourself and substance that triggers your allergic response. Imagine yourself floating back above you and looking down on yourself as if you were in the projection booth of a movie theater looking at yourself sitting in the audience."

• Set the anchor when you see that the explorer's breathing has become shallow and even, their eyes defocused and their facial muscles relaxed.

• Establish a desired state anchor [A2] for how the explorer wants to respond around the substance that has been triggering the allergic reaction. Have the explorer develop a positive ‘reponse expectancy’ by imagining as fully as possible how he or she would want to react around the allergy producing substance and associate into it as much as possible. It can help to use the critical submodalities you discovered in step 1 to build up the new response.

• Establish an anchor for several counterexample reference experiences [A3].

• Have the explorer access an associated memory of being near something that is as close as possible to the substance that causes the allergy in as many qualities as possible but which does not trigger the allergic response. For example, the explorer may be allergic to cigarette smoke but not smoke from a campfire or incense, or the explorer may be allergic to some cats but not all cats, or is allergic to cats but not dogs.

• It is also useful to identify some substance that is potentieally even more "toxic" than the substance which causes the allergy, but to which the explorer’s body has learned a more appropriate type of immune response. Someone may have an allergy to perfume, but not to gasoline, for example. This demonstrates that the immune system can keep the body just as safe, but without the allergic symptoms.

• Make sure you see the appropriate physiology when you set the anchor (i.e., clear eyes, smooth and even breathing, open throat, normal skin tone, etc.).

• Check for any secondary gains or ecology issues regarding the allergic response.

• A common example might be an individual for whom the allergic reaction has been a substitute for standing up for him/herself around people who smoke.

• If the allergy has been connected with asthma in the past it is a good idea to have the person remember back to their first allergy/asthma attack and use reimprinting, reframing, change personal history, or your three anchors to add any needed resources.

• Fire off the dissociated state anchor [A1] and have the explorer begin to imagine being near the allergy producing substance. Then fire off the anchors for the desired state [A2] and counterexample [A3] simultaneously. Make sure that you hold the anchors long enough that you see the full physiological responses associated with these experiences as opposed to the allergy response.

Starting with a small amount initially, begin to expose the explorer to the allergy producing material, increasing the amount in stages until he or she can be fully exposed to it without effect. At each stage start by firing the dissociation anchor [A1] and then the desired state and counterexample anchors [A2 + A3] simultaneously. You may also use the critical submodalities you found in step 1 to strengthen the new response. The explorer should be allowed to be in complete control of when and how much of the substance they will be exposed to.

The basic NLP Allergy Technique has now been applied thousands of times in clinical and training settings and has been effective in changing a vast majority of allergy symptoms. This pattern has a reputation for reducing or eliminating symptoms of allergies. The types of allergies have included those to airborne material, such as smoke, pollen, perfume, etc., to various foods, and even in cases involving asthma.

Collapsing anchors means replacing a negative anchor in NLP with a positive one for the same stimulus.

It is used for when a person or client repetitively goes into a state (not for beliefs) that they wish they didn’t go into and don’t seem to know how to get out of it. Good for replacing away from anchors with towards anchors.

Process of Collapse Anchors:

• Ask client to think of a state that they would rather be in.

• Stack that anchor several times in the same location.

• Get the client to recall the negative state, once only and anchor it in a different place.

• Fire both anchors at the same time.

Calibrate for a steady state in the client, take off the negative anchor and hold the positive anchor for a further five seconds.

NLP anchoring is a process that goes on around and within us all the time, whether we are aware of it or not. Most of the time we are not consciously aware of why we feel as we do – indeed we may not realize we have responded in some cases, which makes it a much more powerful force in our lives.

NLP Anchoring is used to facilitate state management. In this sense an anchor is set up to be triggered by a consciously chosen stimulus, deliberately linked by practice to a known useful state, to provide reflexive access to that state at will. This may be used for exam nerves, overcoming fear, feelings such as happiness or determination, or to recollect how one will feel if a good resolution is kept. In Brief Treatment and Crisis Intervention Karin Jordan (2006) states that “after the preliminary assessment has been completed, the therapist should help the client develop an anchor. The anchor concept is rooted in neuro linguistic programming (Bandler & Grinder, 1979) and can serve as a tool used by clients to get a break from the traumatic event. To help the client work through traumatic events, an observable/concrete resource should be used as an anchor.”

Anchoring is also used by skillful film makers to evoke suspense in the audience. Think of your own psychological changes that occurred when you heard the soundtracks amplified, pounding heartbeat rhythm in the moments leading up to each of the appearances of the huge killer shark in the movie Jaws. What anchor was established in you by the crescendo of the sound of the music meeting the shark? Did your heartbeat increase? Did your palms begin to sweat? Did you have to see the shark, or was the thumping music enough to start your slide to the edge of your seat? Likewise the finale of classical symphonies, or “”mood music”” such as romantic, climactic, or apprehensive in films. Leitmotivs recurring themes in music and literature also serve to re stimulate a previously established response.

For trauma victims, sudden noises or movement can serve as terrifying anchors capable of recollecting the traumatic experience. In this case, amongst other approaches, NLP might be used in a slightly different way – to desensitize the stimulus and perhaps instead also sensitize it to some more neutral or positive feeling.

Anchoring is related to something called behaviorism. Behaviorism tells us how to do behavior modification. This is the collection of methods used to train animals to do tricks; animals like dolphins in a water park that do back flips, and dogs in movies that put their paws up over their eyes. The amazing thing about behavior modification is that it does not require a conscious mind in order to work.

After all, it works on all sorts of animals. This means that it uses very powerful and primitive aspects of your nervous system in order to work. Yes, it works very well on human beings as well, because we have the same brain components as animals do, though we have more. That's why were training them instead of the other way around. When an anchor is fired each time you are in a certain state, your body associates that state with the anchor. At first, the anchor is a neutral stimulus. It doesn't do anything much. But once that anchor is associated with the state, you can trigger that state by firing the anchor. The trick, as you will see, is to get that anchor associated with the right state.

In behavior modification, this is called associative conditioning. Conditioning means that you create a response that happens every time there is a certain stimulus.

Associative conditioning means that the response comes to be associated with another stimulus, in this case, an anchor that you can use to your own benefit.

Behavior modification is at the heart of problems like procrastination. That's why we combine communication with understanding the nervous system. With that, we can create solutions that run themselves. If you had to use your conscious mind in order to do every strategy that you use for excellence, you'd run out of brain power before you got very far. That's why people don't usually get very amazing changes out of a self-help book or TV show.

What people don't realize is that anchors are constantly influencing our behavior. Being in your workplace becomes an anchor for workplace behavior. Being downtown may trigger your desire to visit a favorite watering hole or ice cream parlor.

Parents help their children get to bed and fall asleep by having an "evening ritual" during which certain things like music happen during the evening. Rituals, by the way, are anchors that help to trigger states. The soldier who pulls out the locket from his girlfriend back home and looks at her picture is firing an anchor. It gives him some feelings of security and warmth. The non-technical word here is solace. It gives solace. So an object can be an anchor. There is the action or ritual of manipulating it, there is the visual impression, the kinesthetic aspect of how it feels, and perhaps the sound.

Anchoring is a neuro-linguistic programming term for the process by which memory recall, state change or other responses become associated with (anchored to) some stimulus, in such a way that perception of the stimulus (the anchor) leads by reflex to the anchored response occurring. The stimulus may be quite neutral or even out of conscious awareness, and the response may be either positive or negative. They are capable of being formed and reinforced by repeated stimuli, and thus are analogous to classical conditioning.

Basic NLP anchoring involves in essence, the elicitation of a strong congruent experience of a desired state, whilst using some notable stimulus (touch, word, sight) at the time this is most fully realized. In many cases, repetition of the stimulus will re associate and restore the experience of the state.

There are refinements and sophistications in setting anchors this way, and subtleties involved in order to both set them with precision, and to avoid accidentally neutralizing them in the process of setting them up.

An anchor is a stimulus (stimulus, trigger) that causes a certain reaction in a person that is always the same. Unlike a reflex, however, this particular reaction has been learned and is not innate. Thus, an external stimulus, such as a certain song, can be linked to an inner state, e.g. a feeling of being in love.

Further examples: Ringing of the telephone or memorable pieces of music, traffic signs or holiday photos, a hot cooker, certain smells like freshly baked bread or taste memories, logos, slogan ("Just do it!", "simply good" - McDonalds"), distinctive voices, certain items of clothing.

Anchors influence our emotional states almost non-stop. However, special importance should only be given to anchors that are associated with intense emotional states.

Recognising your anchors and replacing them with more positive ones if necessary is an important step on the way to good self-esteem.

Conscious anchoring represents an extension of the concept of classical conditioning according to Pawlow. Pavlov first noticed, rather by chance, that the dogs he was researching with salivated as soon as they heard the footsteps of the guard, who would give them their food shortly afterwards. Curious, Pavlov would ring a bell before the dogs were fed and after a while the mere ringing of the bell would cause the dogs' mouths to water. We can now use this phenomenon to intentionally anchor desired emotional states with a trigger. In this way the desired emotional state can be called up practically on command by the trigger - the anchor. In principle, any sensory impression can be used as an anchor, whether it is a gesture, touch, image, sound, word or smell.

Setting an anchor means consciously linking an external stimulus with an existing experience. All sensory channels can be used for anchoring (pictures, sounds, sensations, smells, tastes). Anchors can be set and released by oneself or by others (self-set, external anchor). Firing an anchor means triggering the stimulus, reactivating and experiencing the previously anchored experience.

Standard steps:

First determine the resource, the state you would like to have available "at the push of a button" and select the anchor with which you want to retrieve this state. The anchor can be a certain smell, a song or simply a pressure on a certain place on your body.

1. Remember, fully associated, an experience in which you had the desired resource available

2. Trigger the selected anchor just before the peak, i.e. the highest intensity of the resource-rich state

3. Separator: interrupt the state, e.g. with a distracting question

4. Test: Trigger the anchor again to test if it works

The Circle of Excellence is a basic self-anchoring process originally developed by Dr. John Grinder, co-creator of NLP. Circle of Excellence can be used to elicit, create and stabilise desired states. The Circle of Excellence uses a kinaesthetic anchor to activate a moment of excellence, i.e. a moment in which you are at the top of a high state, in which you feel like superman/woman.

It is a way to gain control over our emotional states.

The Process:

• Decide on a resource state. Choose a resourceful state you want to experience more often.

• Imagine a circle on the floor in front of you, big enough to step into. If you like, you can even mark it out in some way.

• Take a moment to relax, clear your mind and breathe deeply.

• Elicit a strong resource state of your choosing and intensify it. Stand, breathe as if you had that state intensely – feel the sensations.

• Project those intense feelings into the circle in front of you.

• What color, texture, qualities and size symbolize this state? What sounds and feelings come from the circle. Maybe there are tastes and smells.

• Step into the circle when the feelings are at their peak. Intensify them even more. Feel that powerful emotion surrounding you and flowing through your body. Breathe in the feeling. Enjoy it fully and completely.

• Anchor with some natural gesture that seems related to the state – a word or phrase, a facial expression, some aspect of physiology.

• Before the intensity fades, step back out and shake out the feelings (return to a neutral state)

• Repeat the steps with an additional resource state (or the same state). The circle becomes more and more powerfully resourceful.

• How does having this resource affect all aspects of your life (or a particular context)? Notice how different your perspective is, how the feeling changes the way you go about things.

By means of this NLP technique, unpleasant anchors can be effectively neutralized. A strong positive anchor is used, which is fired simultaneously with the negative anchor.

Classical anchor merging technique

• Negative Anchor Lead your partner to a state where he has sensations that he feels are inappropriate and unpleasant. If it is completely in the state, anchor this state by touching the knee or touching a knuckle or other harmless area of the body.

• Separator Separate your client from that state by asking him questions that will lead him to a different, neutral state. For example, ask him where he was last on vacation.

• Test Test by re-firing the anchor to see if it works. If not, go back to 1. If yes, go to 2.

• Positive Anchor Lead your client to a state where he had a sensation that he would like to have in the first situation. Anchor this condition to the other knee or ankle.

• Separator Separate your client again as in 2, but better with other questions.

• Test Test the positive anchor by touching the corresponding spot again. Calibrate yourself to the changes your client can not arbitrarily produce. Insure yourself by asking if the anchor is acting strongly enough. If your client has to help with ideas for the anchor to work properly again, it is not installed properly yet. Then go back to 4, otherwise go to 7.

• Merging the anchors Now hold the positive anchor, and then fire the negative. Use the Hypnotalk on the next page. Wait until the physiological changes have calmed down and your client makes a symmetrical, positive impression. If the positive anchor has not been strong enough or should this resource have not been enough, go back to 4 and get an additional resource.

Test Test the merge by asking your client to think about the awkward situation and pay attention to how he responds. If the physiology still contains signs of problem physiology, then back to 4. If not, lead your clients into future similar situations (Future Pace).

In this anchoring technique, several anchors are fired one after the other. This creates a chain of anchors that can take you from very negative states to very positive states.

Sometimes the target state is emotionally so far removed from the initial state that a series of intermediate steps is necessary to get from the undesired state into the desired state quickly by using anchors:

• Elicit the initial state

• Determine the target state with the client.

• Design a chain of states with the client that naturally leads to the target state.

• Anchor every single state, e.g., on a knuckle. Separate and test each anchor.

• Fire the first anchor and wait for the physiology to fully develop, then release the anchor and wait about 1-2 sec until you fire the next anchor.

• Continue to the target state.

• Take a break for a few minutes. When the client is completely out of state and there is no danger of the last state being chained to the first, then start over. Go through the chain three times.

• Test.

• Fire the first anchor and calibrate it yourself to see if the chained process is now running by itself.

• Future Pace.

Emotions change from moment to moment, although some can stick around for a long time, particularly if you don’t acknowledge them and learn what you need to learn from them. The emotions may come from your underlying mood, they could be valid signals giving you information, should you choose to be aware of it, or they could be responses triggered by something in your present situation but really about something in your distant past that you haven’t fully come to terms with yet and still have something to learn from.

The emotional state we go into in a given situation is not necessarily the one that we would choose, or that would give us the optimum results. In fact, most people think, because they’ve never experienced anything different, that emotions are things that just happen to us, or that other people somehow ‘make’ us feel.

Anchoring is a method to enable you to choose how you want to feel in a given situation, and to actually be able to go into that resourceful emotional state, right there and then when you need it.

• Timing of the anchor A good anchor has a 1: 1 relationship to the excitation curve. That means, we begin to set the anchor when the excitement is nearing its maximum and increase the pressure (in a kinesthetic anchor) with the increase of excitement. It is important to stop in time so as not to anchor the down curve.

• Intensity of the state In order to install a really strong anchor, the state we have anchored also must have been strong. We do not create a state with an anchor but rather hold it. You can only anchor what's there.

• Precision of repetition If the location of the anchor is not accurately hit when repeating, then the anchor will not work or not at the optimum intensity.

• Uniqueness of the anchor If the same anchor is used for different states, the states will mix. If you want to install an anchor that will last for a long time, then it is important to create one that is not constantly overlaid by other experiences in the course of a normal life. So, a handshake is certainly not a good anchor, because it is constantly overlaid by different experiences.

• Purity of the state When someone remembers a positive state while regretting that this state will quickly come to an end, this wistful feeling will naturally also be anchored. Therefore, make sure that the state you anchor is as "clean" as possible.

• Deliberately think of the voice as a different aspect of you Your critical inner voice has it’s own personality – often one similar to a person in our life that was perhaps less than positive as a role-model or influence. Think about it as “they/them/he/she” and in third-person, what does your critic want to discuss? It’s obviously also you, but metaphorically treating it like a separate personality means your more likely to become objective to its point of view.

• Listen to it, with curiosity Treat it like an acquaintance that is trying to offer you some (not asked for) advice, rather than taking it as a personal attack on who you are. What are they trying to tell you that might be useful to listen to? And listen with curiosity. So rather than interrupting it and “yeah butting” the voice, hear it out.

• Then challenge what it is saying, ask questions and find out how it thinks the way it does How does my critical inner voice know that’s true? What did it see or hear that made it think that, or did it infer something that might not be true? What does it mean by that? Compared to whom or what? What’s stopping it from wanting/being/doing xxx?

• Change how the voice talks If you’re still finding that the voice is really affecting you, change the pitch and tempo of the voice – even switch it so it sounds like someone/thing that amuses us. What if it sounded like Mickey Mouse or Olaf from Frozen does it have the same power to switch your mood now?

Build the positive aspects of your inner thoughts Practice being kind to yourself and cutting yourself some slack. Make a note of all the things you have achieved that day, a good way at the end of each day is to imagine replaying the day in your mind, giving yourself a pat on the back and encouragement when things went well and some advice and feedback when things didn’t quite work out. Imagine that feedback becoming “edits” in the showreel of the day and how that would reshape the movie if you took that advice on board. We call this process “self-editing” within NLP and it’s a great technique our Practitioners learn.

Many people think if they stop listening to their critical inner voice, they will lose touch with their conscience. However, the critical inner voice is not a trustworthy moral guide like a conscience. On the contrary, the critical inner voice is degrading and punishing and often leads us to make unhealthy decisions. These negative voices tend to increase our feelings of self-hatred without motivating us to change undesirable qualities or act in a constructive manner.

The critical inner voice can be distinguished from conscience or constructive moral influence because it interprets moral standards and value systems in an authoritarian manner, in the form of strict “should,” that leads to harsh criticism and self-recrimination. It increases one’s self-hatred, rather than motivating one to alter behavior in a constructive manner. Seemingly positive, self-nurturing voices that appear on the surface to be supportive, can be hurtful, misleading, and dysfunctional. Self-aggrandizing voices encourage an unrealistic build-up that sets the stage later for attacks on the self.

First of all, do you know where that voice came from, or do you recognise a phrase or accent that a former friend, teacher or even member of the family used? If you start to recognise the cause of the inner critic, you start to realise you’ve been “given” it rather than formed that opinion yourself.

Also is what the voice is saying actually a fact, or a limiting belief?

If I were to say “I don’t own a Porsche” (and I don’t) then that’s a fact. If my inner voice were to say “You’ll never own a Porsche” then that’s a limiting belief it has formed.

Start to challenge your own critic, write down all the times when you have achieved something that it is being negative about. Does your inner voice work well for you sometimes with positive words and outcomes? Then find instances when it has worked well in the past.

Your critical inner voice can be tamed. It likes to massively over generalise problems:

“I’ll never do that”

“Everyone think’s I’ll fail”

“I always fluff my words when I get up and speak”

So start to teach it to be more specific – you could ask your own inner critic “Never? Everyone? Always?” chip away at what it’s telling you is truth and you’ll find that actually a lot of what the voice is telling you.. is made up!  Once those beliefs are gone, create what you DO want to have happen instead.

Robert firestone developed voice therapy as a way for people to identify and separate from this inner critic by understanding the origins of the critical inner voice and then taking actions to go against it, actions that are goal-directed and that represent a person's true point of view.

• Change your thoughts so that the inner critic shows up differently.

• What does the voice sound like? Loud, soft, stern, nagging? Who’s voice does it sound like?

• Change the volume of the voice until you no longer hear it…same with tone, rate of speech, pitch, etc. This can lead to a different experience with your critic.

• Consider changing where the voice is coming from in your head..move it around to the front, side, or the back – How does that affect the power of the critic?

The idea here is that if your inner critic has a normal tone and way that it communicates with you, change it around and you may notice that it’s suddenly effective. For example, if your inner critic has tone that is very demanding and overwhelming, try changing that voice to a softer, less invasive tone. Perhaps change it to a squeaky little cartoon voice. Something you don’t take so seriously and are more able to shrug off or not pay attention too…laugh at even!

• Label the voice…give it a name. I call mine a “bully”, but yours can be anything you want. Whatever it is or sounds like, label it and call it out in that way.

• Take a step back from it; get outside of the real-time, emotional state it’s trying to get you in. In NLP we call this “dissociate”. (which is different from the clinical definition of dissociation). In other words, try taking a 3rd person point of view, or seeing yourself from across the room as you experience the inner critic at work…the difference is that you can see this unfold with an unbiased, neutral vantage point. Therefore, no judgment, no emotional moment to work through.

• Move on; distract and do something else.

Example: If your inner critic is telling you that you are going to fail at this new job, you likely tell yourself, “I’m going to fail at this job, I’ll never make it”. So instead of whole heartedly embracing that voice and applying it to yourself immediately, try separating yourself from it and reframe it to “my inner critic is telling me that I am going to fail”.

We are more prone to believe it when we reference it as ourselves, so if we step back out of the moment, we then have some space to see it for what it really is or is not. Then, you can analyze and decide for yourself how much power your critic should have, and move on to something else, thus reinforcing the stripping of power that you just took from it. The main key is, make sure that you distract and move on…as with many other techniques, after you’ve worked through it, go do some self-care and put your attention elsewhere.

The critical inner voice is an internal enemy that can affect every aspect of our lives, including our self-esteem and confidence, our personal and intimate relationships, and our performance and accomplishments at school and work. These negative thoughts affect us by undermining our positive feelings about ourselves and others and fostering self-criticism, inwardness, distrust, self-denial, addictions and a retreat from goal-directed activities.

The voice precipitates a wide range of self-limiting, self-destructive actions, from giving up on goals, to physically hurting oneself, or even committing suicide. In a very real sense, what people tell themselves about events and occurrences in their lives is more damaging and contributes to more misery than the negative episodes themselves.

One of the presuppositions of NLP is that, “behind every behavior, there is a positive intention.  For the purposes of this information, we’ll assume that is true (because not everyone believes that, and that’s okay).

So if every behavior has a positive intention, then perhaps that means that your inner critic also has a positive intention, even if it’s methods do not appear to be uplifting and healthy.  Consider this approach:

• Embrace it, don’t see it as a negative. Take out of it what’s useful and leave the rest.

• Learn the positive intention of the inner critic and find new ways to achieve it.

• Perhaps if you take a step back and see what your inner critic is trying to show you, it may be trying to motivate you, or to protect you from something or someone.

• When you ask what the intention is, be sure and wait for the answer. Sometimes doing so makes it go away on its own.

• You may get a positive intention and you can actually agree with that intention and use it to your advantage.

• Then you have to ask the critic: are you willing to motivate me without criticizing me and bringing me down?

• By doing so, you have essentially made an alliance with the very thing that you thought was holding you back.

These inner voices usually come from early life experiences that are internalized and taken in as ways we think about ourselves. Often, many of these negative voices come from our parents or primary care takers, as children we pick up on the negative attitudes that parents not only have towards their children but also toward themselves.  Our voices can also come from interactions with peers and siblings, or influential adults

The critical inner voice is made up of a series of negative thoughts and attitudes toward self and others, which is at the core of a person’s maladaptive behavior. It can be conceptualized as the language of a defensive process that is both hostile and cynical. The voice is not limited to cognition, attitudes, and beliefs; it is also closely associated with varying degrees of anger, sadness, shame, and other primary emotions. It can be thought of as an overlay on the personality that is not natural or harmonious but rather learned or externally imposed.

Step One: Identifying What Your Critical Inner Voice is Telling You

In order to challenge their negative attacks, people must first become aware of what their critical inner voice is telling them. They can do this by identifying an area of their lives where they are especially critical of themselves and then pay attention to what the criticisms are.

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As a person discovers what the self-attacks are, it is valuable to articulate them in the second person, as "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "I feel so lazy and useless," a person would say "You are so lazy. You're useless." When people utilize this format in voice therapy, they are encouraged to express their critical thoughts as they hear or experience them, and this often leads to them accessing the hostility that underlies this self-attacking system.

Step Two: Recognizing Where Your Voices Come From

After people verbalize their critical inner voices in this manner, they often feel deeply, and they have insight into the source of their voice attacks. They have unusual clarity, as they begin to recognize that the content and tone of their voice attacks are old and familiar; their voices are expressing attitudes that were directed toward them as children.

They will often say things like, "That's what my father used to say" or "That's the feeling I got from my mother," or "That was the atmosphere in my home." Recognizing where their voices originated helps people develop compassion for themselves.

Step Three: Responding to Your Critical Inner Voice

In the third step of voice therapy, an individual answers back to the voice attacks. People who have thoughts like, "You're so stupid. No one wants to hear what you are thinking. Just sit in the background and keep your mouth shut!" may respond with statements like, "I am not stupid! What I have to say is valuable and worthwhile. A lot of people are interested in me and care about what I think."

After responding, it is important for people to make rational statements about how they really are, how other people really are, and what is true about his or her social world. They may say something like, "The world isn't a place where everyone else is brilliant and I'm the only stupid person. I'm not in elementary school anymore; no one is grading us. The truth is that people aren't all that smart, and I'm not stupid. We are basically the same: interesting people who have interesting things to say about what they are thinking and experiencing."

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Step Four: Understanding How Your Voices Influence Your Behavior

After expressing and responding to their voices, people are naturally curious and eager to understand how these patterns of self-defeating thoughts have influenced their past and impact their present-day behaviors. For example, the person with the voice that he or she is stupid may recognize times when he or she acted less capable or confident as a result of having heard that self-attack. Having this understanding of how the critical inner voice has affected their actions is helpful when people want to change specific self-limiting behaviors.

Step Five: Changing Your Self-Limiting Behaviors

Once people have identified the areas in which they limit themselves, they can begin to change. They can do this by taking two actions: not engaging in the self-destructive behavior that is being encouraged by the critical inner voice and increasing the positive behaviors that go against the recommendations of the voice. For example, a person who is shy can stop avoiding social interactions and can make a point of striking up conversations with people.

Ecology is important in considering outcomes in order to ensure that the impact of achieving the outcome is positive for the individual and that achieving it is congruent with the overall goals and desired code of conduct of the individual.  Also that the impact on others is positive for them.

How do you know that your work is ecological?  Use the evidence frame prior to doing the work: What will you see, hear, feel or experience once the work is complete? Check for ecology with ecology frame.  Check with the client.  Internal check.  Backtrack frame. Future Pace. Use Perceptual Positions.

Ecology in NLP is the study of the consequences or results or impact of any change that occurs on the wider system. It is the dynamic balance of elements in any system. A concern for the overall relationship between a being and its environment. The overall relationship between a person and their thoughts, strategies, behaviours, capabilities, values and beliefs.

It is important to take account of ecology so that you can study the possible consequences of a planned action or change and also so that NLP does not become manipulative.

An ecology check is simply checking to see if the desired result of a technique will work out in other areas of a person’s life.

Doing an ecology check is checking the consequences of your future actions and plans.

This is thinking in terms of what happens after you make a desired change. How does it affect a person’s home, their family, their finances, health, time, etc.? Is it in line with their value system? Is this what they really want?

It prevents self-sabotage by making sure a change will be acceptable to all parts. You can even apply this ecological approach to multiple systems, such those in politics.

When you think “ecologically,” you are taking every aspect of your outcome into account. You check to make sure that you are not going to achieve X at the expense of Y, if both are important to you. For example, an Ecology Check needs to be in place when you help a client to stop smoking, because fear of weight gain may sabotage your work. You want to make sure that your client is completely congruent (has no unconscious resistance) about the upcoming change.

Step #1. Get into an objective state.

This pattern assumes you already have a personal problem pattern that you are working to change. To begin the ecology check, use any method that helps you gain objectivity, such as thinking like a journalist who must adhere to the facts of the situation. You may need to dissociate into the third perceptual position. From this objective frame of mind, think about your life as a whole, perhaps as if you could look down at your timeline.

Step #2. Ask good questions to do an ecology check.

A key to balance in your life is asking good questions. As a part of the ecology check ask:

• “What areas in my life are benefiting from having this belief/behavior?” “What areas in my life may get hurt because of it?”

• “Am I feeling  completely assured that this is something  I want to generate in my life?”

• “What are the specific  immediate results of  it?”

• “What are the specific long term results?”

• “Who else is being affected by these outcomes?”

Step #3. Give this pattern  “mind share;” by making it an ongoing, recurring pattern  in your  mind.

This pattern can be even more powerful by maintaining it over a good period of time, even making it a recurring theme in your life. Keep these questions alive, entraining your creative energies through means such as writing them in  your journal. (You do have a journal, don’t you?)

Read the questions before you go to sleep so that they will be on your mind. Once you have recruited enough creative resources, you’ll get dreams, songs, words, flashes, memories, and voices …

Don’t ignore them. It’s important to notice, and acknowledge them. Your brain is highly motivated to solve riddles.

Asking good questions and giving your mind time to find the answers with no pressure, is one the greatest talents you can develop. As answers emerge, note them down.

Have a note pad or device ready so you can collect them in one place.

Step #4. Evaluate

Once you have accumulated answers, evaluate them. Realize that, right now, you have many valuable clues to success.

What do they mean about the outcomes you  appear to be headed for? Do you need to change course?

As you can see, new questions can emerge from these answers. These new questions are even more directly valuable, because they are like tools that are more refined and designed for experts to use.

Goals give us direction in life, a purpose. But wait, have you considered ecology? Are your goals ecological?

Since ecology in NLP is a study of consequences then it makes sense to examine the consequences of achieving our goals:

• What do I need to give up (If anything) to achieve it? Is that ok?

• What if I have it. What will life be like? Is that ok?

Firstly, does it work for you?  So, ask yourself “what will happen to me if I achieve this?”

If there are some negative things that will happen to you then you will not be so congruent in achieving your outcome. Congruent or congruency is when all your systems say go.  If you think of all your internal representations and they give the outcome of your goal the green light then you will be congruent.

So, do you have a full set of green lights?

The next thing is that we need to look outside of ourselves.  Because, it is not just about whether we are ok, what about the people around us?  In business this would be the people in your organisation and outside of business this would be your family.  Whats going to happen to them if you get your goal?

Also what is going to happen to society if you get it?  What about society as a whole?

Finally, I think that we should be paying attention to the global aspect of your goal, what would happen to the planet if you achieved it.  Is it positive to the planet? If a few more people had done that over the years, then we would all be better off!

In order to do a full ecology check:

• Think as if you are in the future (future pace)

• What are the wider consequences of my action?

• What will I lose if I make this change?

• What extra will I have to do?

• Is it worth it?

• What will I gain if I make this change?

• What is the price of making this change and am I willing to pay it?

• What are the good aspects of the present state?

• How can I  keep those good aspects while making the change that I want?

• How will my change affect others?

• Does it go against any of their values?

• Does this matter?

• How will they react?

Although it is has a quite subtle effect if you switch to using predicates which match the other person's eye accessing cues this will enhance the rapport between you. If, for example, your colleague or customer appears to be primarily thinking in pictures it's not very useful to ask how they 'feel' about your idea or product. Or how things 'sound' to them. Much better to ask them how it looks to them, whether they like the appearance of the idea, whether then can visualise the end result, etc. Match the eye accessing of highly kinaesthetic, auditory, or self-talk-oriented people similarly.

The eye accessing cues also give us information about their 'personal space' needs. Highly visual people like lots of personal space. They like you to be far enough from them so they can see all of you since they are picking up a lot of information from watching all of you. So stand or sit relatively far from them.

People who think mainly with feelings like to be close enough to be able to touch you – and they frequently will do this patting your arm, holding your elbow or shoulder, or using a double clasp handshake which they seem reluctant to release!

The auditory self-talk auditory specialists will probably have only minimal awareness of you and your body language since they are paying so much attention to the facts and figures and to their analysis of these facts and figures.

They will frequently look past you as you are conversing and some may tend to blink very frequently or even close their eyes for a few seconds while speaking to you about complex subjects.

If a person is describing something that they have seen or heard, then their eyes should primarily move to visual or auditory remembered. However if a person is making something up, then their eyes will tend to move to visual or auditory constructed, indicating that the person is constructing some part of the situation they are describing. This may indicate that the person is uncertain or untruthful about what they are thinking.

Be careful assuming someone is untruthful. For example, suppose you asked me a question about something that I had never thought about before. To formulate an answer, I may have to look at or hear one or more pieces of true information in a way that I had never done so before. In this situation, I would be constructing an answer and my eyes would most likely move to visual or auditory constructed.

When accessing memories, we have a ‘hook’ that we use to bring them into awareness. This is called a retrieval cue. There is more on this in the topic on Memory. This cue or hook will be in a specific representational system and for many people this will be consistent, regardless of the content of the memory they are accessing. For example, if they use a visual cue, they will flick to visual before accessing any memory, even if it is not a visual memory.

Note that a person’s lead system may well be different to their preferred or primary representational system.

Some people are completely reversed in their eye patterns. That is, their eye movements are like mirror images of the diagrams above. This is most often observed in people who are left handed, and very rarely in right-handed people. Some observers reckon that about half of left-handed people have reversed eye patterns, so this is a small percentage of the population, maybe around five per cent.

This reversal is consistent. For example, you will never find that someone is reversed in their visual quadrants but normal elsewhere.

Let's say you are making a business presentation and…

…the person's eye accessing indicates that they are highly visual. They will like to think in pictures and will give you more attention if your presentation is delivered in a slightly high tonality, has a brisk pace, is not too fact-filled, has lots of anecdotes and is supported with lots of visual aids such as brochures, photographs, PowerPoint slides, etc.

… their eye accessing indicates they do a lot of self-talking. They want hard facts and figures and are not influenced by emotions or effusive enthusiasm. They will expect you to be able to support your ideas with well-researched data and they like 'no-nonsense' visuals such as graphs, bar charts, etc. They will want to be able to interrupt you with questions, sometimes quite frequently.

…their eye accessing indicates that they are highly kinaesthetic. They want to be actively involved. So give them things to handle or thumb through. Invite them to come up and help you with working things out on the flip chart. Ideally have a sample that they can keep and play with - left to their own devises they will probably sell it to themselves! Speak at a measured rate, not too fast, and allow lots of pauses especially when you see them accessing their feelings. And, avoid long presentations – they'll likely get antsy after about 20 minutes!

William James (Principles of Psychology, 1890) first suggested that internal representations and eye movements may be related. This observation was not explored further until the 1970's when Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Robert Dilts and others conducted further experimentation in this area.

According to neurological research, eye movement both laterally and vertically seems to be associated with activating different parts of the brain. In the neurological literature, these movements are called lateral eye movements (LEM) and in NLP we call them eye accessing cues because they give us insights as to how people are accessing information.

If you ask someone about a fact or ‘memory’ that they use every day, they may have this so close to the surface of their mind that they don’t need to access it. For example, if you ask someone the colour of their car, they can probably tell you without any accessing cue at all.

NLP Eye Accessing Cues enables us to recognise how a person is thinking by watching their eye movements. In NLP Eye Accessing Cues give subtle information about the thoughts of the person you are working with.

This is one of the most popular topics on our NLP Core Skills course and typically results in everyone closely watching each other's eyes for clues to their thinking – with quite humorous, and at times hilarious, results. It is also one of the most useful tools since it enables people to immediately begin improving how they communicate with everyone in their personal and professional lives.

There are a number of ways to practice reading eye accessing cues, here are two:

• Practice with your friends (with their permission): Watch their eye accessing cues and then verify your observations with them.

• Watch talk shows on TV (make sure it is spontaneous and not rehearsed.). This is a great way to practice as you can stare at the people on the TV and it will not bother them at all. Notice if there is a relationship between where the person looks and the predicates they use i.e. if the person's eyes are looking up, do they tend to use more visual words?

The Eye Accessing Cues indicate whether a person is thinking in images, sounds, self-talk, or through their feelings.

Having this information enables us to communicate in a way that more effectively matches their current thinking style.

Important: the movements show us how a person is thinking right now. In other situations they may think differently so avoid the temptation to put people into boxes by labelling them as 'kinaesthetics, or auditories or visuals.

Recognising eye movements takes a little practise because, although some people have eye movements that are quite slow and deliberate, most eye assessing will be very brief and subtle with little 'flicks' that are almost unnoticeable.

If you speak while a person is making eye movements you will interrupt their thinking and this will slow down the interaction and/or cause them to feel confused or resentful towards you. While they are accessing it is wise to wait silently and without distracting movements.

The Eye Accessing Cues are presented in what is called a Normally Organised pattern. This has nothing to do with being normal; it is merely terminology that indicates what you will find in the majority of the people you meet. For those who don’t, it is called Reverse Organised, a reversed cerebral organisation.

If you are right-handed, you may have noticed the following (for people who are left handed, interchange left and right in the following text):

Vc = Visual Constructed - eyes up and to your right. This is a question about something you have seen before and hence you remembered it

Vr = Visual Remembered - eyes up and to your left. This is a question about something that I assume you have not seen before and hence you constructed this picture

Ac = Auditory Constructed - eyes on the horizontal plane to your right. This is a question about something you have not heard before

Ar = Auditory Remembered - eyes on the horizontal plane to your left. This is a question about something you have heard before

K = Kinesthetic - eyes down and to the right. This is a question about your feelings

Ad = Auditory Digital - eyes down and to the left. This is a question about your self talk

Some individuals look through several or all the representational systems for the same piece of information. When this is done, it is called a Transderivational Search.

Many of us were taught to look people straight in the eye when communicating. (And some communication skills' trainers still roll out this old shibboleth.) However you may find it useful to begin to more actively and more enthusiastically use your eyes when thinking.

Some NLP experts consider eye movements to be aid to thinking since they stimulate different parts of the brain. And that if, for some reason – such as believing they should make 'good eye contact',  a person is unable to make the accessing movements this can interfere with and slow their normal thinking style.

A  frame is the word we use to define or describe the boundaries around an experience or an event. It's another way in which we filter our perceptions of our world based using our mental template or our internal representations. This is usually outside of our conscious awareness, like other filters that operate. Yet it creates automatic ways of thinking about things.

There are numerous different types of frames in NLP.

The New Behavior Generator sets up a template or mental map of unconscious competence for a skill. It organizes us so we can develop skills more easily. We set up a mental structure for our nervous system to follow. We still need to practice and refine to actually get the skill.

We don’t have to learn everything from scratch. Leverage is about learning from the experiences of self and others. We have many references and pieces of behaviors already unconsciously that we can organize and sequence to create new skills.

People learn through observation, practice and refinement. We create strategies to achieve things. If I want to paint my office for instance, I create a plan for moving things out of the way, preparing the surfaces and applying the paint. If I painted rooms as a trade, my set of strategies for this task would be automatic.

• Preparation - Find a relaxed and quiet place to be guided through this technique. You don’t have to close your eyes to do this process. Just make yourself comfortable and begin by looking off to your right. In your mind’s eye, imagine seeing someone who looks just like you a short distance away. This “other you” will do all the learning in this exercise, as you observe. Only when you are completely satisfied with this process will the new skills be integrated into you. To ensure this, you might even want to experience yourself as being in a Plexiglas bubble, so that you are truly separated and detached from the activities going on with that “other you” out there.

• Choose Task - Now, think of something you want to be able to motivate yourself to do. Pick something very simple. For example, it could be cleaning the kitchen sink, balancing your cheque book, or getting up in the morning. Something that you don’t enjoy doing but you want very much to have done, because of the benefits you’ll gain as a result.

• See Benefits - Watch that “other you,” and see what it will look like when the task is completed, including the positive consequences of having it done, both the direct and immediate benefits, and the future benefits that will result.

• Doing the Task - Now see that “other you” doing the task easily. As that “other you” does the task, that “other you” keeps looking at that image of the task all finished and feels good in response to seeing it all completed. Notice that the internal voice of the “other you” is enticing and encouraging, reminding you of the future rewards and of how much you have already accomplished toward the goal. Finally, see that “other you” delighted with having it done and enjoying the reward when the task has been completed.

• Review and Adjustment - If what you see isn’t completely delightful, you can let a mist cover your inner vision while the wisdom of your unconscious mind makes the appropriate adjustment or changes. When the mist disappears again, you will see the adjustments that have been make in a way that’s pleasing and good for you. Do you want to be that “other you” who has just used a new motivation strategy? Are you satisfied that that “other you” has mastered this new skill? Have that “other you” do the whole process again with another task to demonstrate it to your satisfaction.

• Integration - When you are fully satisfied, let that Plexiglas bubble fall away, and draw into yourself that “other you” who has all these new learnings. Some people actually reach out their arms and imagine drawing that other self into themselves. Sometimes people feel a tingle or a release of energy when they do this.

• Planning - Now take an extra moment to consider when is the next time you will have to perform the task you just motivated yourself to complete.

• Identify a behavior you would like in order to gain a particular outcome.

• Make sure it is a Well Formed Outcomes, especially that it is stated in positive terms and you check for objections (ecology check)

• Create a dissociated movie of the behavior you want. This can be either another person or remembering a time when you did the behavior and watching yourself do it. The role model you choose can be someone you know, a celebrity, TV character or even an animal. Edit the movie until it is exactly how you want.   

• If the movie is of someone else, now see yourself doing the behavior. Make sure you are dissociated.

• Create a kinesthetic reference by associating into the movie. The key here is your physiology. How does your body feel doing the behavior? For instance, what is your posture like when talking to someone confidently and easily? How are your neck and shoulders placed?   

• Future Pace in order to test in a real life situation. You need to be convinced consciously that you have learned a new behavior.

The New Behaviour Generator is a self-help tool to assist in your personal and professional development. Like all skills, the more you use this process the faster and easier it becomes. You are aiming at using it automatically, and/or unconsciously as a tool for continually regenerating your own behaviours. Anytime that you have an experience that is less than satisfactory, immediately take a few seconds and run it through the new behaviour generator. The more you do this, the faster you move towards being the person you really want to be.

You can use it for generating completely new behaviours – something you have never done before – or for making modifications and changes to a behaviour you already have, and are now less than satisfied with. This process allows you to systematically build up an internal representation in the three main sensory systems of the specific behaviour you want. It works because the unconscious mind has no way of telling the difference between a ‘real’ event, and something you imagine vividly.

The New Behaviour Generator is a powerful tool for self-improvement and coaching. When using this technique you stimulate the neural pathways that are involved when performing the actual behaviour. The New Behaviour Generator is widely used as a technique for improvement in music and sport. It makes the new skill familiar and creates micro movements in the muscles that you need in reality.

This is a fun, simple, yet powerful skill that both adults and children can use in all areas of life to perform at their peak.

The New Behaviour Generator is a strategy for generating change in your own behaviour.

The New Behavior Generator is an NLP technique using mental imagery or rehearsal for getting long-term outcomes. Outcomes usually require ongoing behavior and responses. To get that qualification for instance you need many small skills, such as persistence, being able to keep the vision and/or optimism.

One of the most essential processes of change is that of moving from a dream or vision to action. NLP has developed a kind of 'all purpose' creativity strategy, organized around the process of moving from vision to action, called 'The New Behavior Generator'. The basic steps to the New Behavior Generator were set out by John Grinder in the late 1970's.

Parts Integration NLP is a technique which allows us to integrate parts at the unconscious level by assisting each one to traverse logical levels by chunking up and to go beyond boundaries parts have created to find a higher level of intention and wholeness.

It is used to improve congruency in the individual. To eliminate persistent unwanted behaviour patterns. It is an involved and very powerful technique.

• Identify the conflict and the parts involved: Make sure you clearly identify the parts clearly, and understand the nature of the conflict.

• Have the Part, which represents the unwanted state or behavior come out on the hand first: "I wonder if I can talk to this part. Which hand would it like to come out and stand on?" (Show client how to hold hand.)

• Make sure that the Client has a V-A-K image of the part as it comes out on the hand: "Who does this part look like; does it look/sound/feel like someone you know?"

• Elicit the "Opposite Number" to come out on the other hand: "I'd like to talk to the Part with which this Part is most in conflict, the flip side of the coin the opposite number, and let's have it come out and stand on the other hand." (Show client how to hold hand.)

• Make sure that the Client has a V-A-K image of the part as it comes out on the hand: "Who does this part look like; does it look/sound/feel like someone you know?"

• Separate intention from behavior: Reframe each part so that they realize that they actually have the same intention by chunking up — ask, "What is the intention ..." or "For what purpose ..." (Begin chunking up first with the part that has the unwanted state or behavior. As you do, make sure that the client's intention stays associated.)

• Now, have the parts notice they were once part of a larger whole.

• Ask for other parts that were also once part of the larger whole. Have them join in the integration.

• What resources or attributes does each part have that the other part would like to have?

• As the hands come together give additional suggestions for integration.

• Take the integrated part inside and have it merge into the wholeness inside.

• Test & future pace.

The parts integration model itself is a development of an earlier process called the Visual Squash. Its advantage is that it connects two opposing parts together, where the six step reframe left the part that was of concern to generate new behaviours while still separate. Parts Integration is discussed by Robert Dilts in the book Beliefs (Dilts, Hallbom and Smith, 1990, p 101-126, p 165) where Dilts gives a transcript of its successful use to treat an allergy to cats, tested in the training room immediately after.

Since the development of Parts Integration, other NLP processes to deal with parts issues have continued to evolve, including Core Transformation (Andreas 1992) and Time Line Therapy TM (James and Woodsmall, 1988). Generally, these utilise the outcome chain process, where the person is asked for the part's "outcome" and then asked "If you get that fully and completely, what do you get, through having that, that's even more important?".

The Perceptual Positions process allows the coach to help the client reframe the client’s mind map by placing the client in the shoes of the person in conflict with the client. Process design is through the unconscious. Its implementation needs to reach the unconscious mind as well.

There are five steps involved in this process.

Step 1: Client’s original position as First-person

The client explains the context of the disagreement, its emotional impact, and cost if unresolved.

The coach makes the client comfortable. The coach inquires into the sensations experienced by the client, what emotions these represent and what thoughts come up. It is important that the client is fully relaxed and feels safe in this role as the first person.

Questions may be

• What sensations do you experience in your body as you reflect on this disagreement?

• What are the emotions associated with these sensations?

• What is the impact of this disagreement with you and why is it critical that it is resolved?

• How committed are you?

• Describe your mind state regarding your antagonist.

• What is stopping you from resolution?

• What are you willing to do?

• What will you do when you meet the other person next?

• 
  

The coach and client explore and agree on a desired outcome of understanding and awareness to resolve the disagreement, especially how critical it is to the client to achieve this desired state and what may be in the way.

The coach then briefs the client on the process and explores as described in step 2.

Step 2: Client as The Other Person

The coach brings an empty chair and requests the client to sit on it. The coach has briefed the client to be in the shoes of the other person, seeing with that person’s eyes, hearing with that person’s ears and feeling through that person.

Coach then addresses the client as the person with whom the disagreement exists. In a sense, the client is now playing the other person. The coach makes the client comfortable. Coach inquires into the sensations experienced by the client, what emotions these represent and what thoughts come up. It is important that the client is fully relaxed and feels safe in this role as the other person.

Similar questions may be asked as with the protagonist, with variations as needed based on the conversation

• What sensations do you experience in your body as you reflect on this disagreement?

• What the emotions associated with these sensations?

• What is the impact of this disagreement with you and why is it critical it is resolved?

• How committed are you?

• Describe your mind state regarding your antagonist.

• What is stopping you from resolution?

• What will you do when you meet the first person next?

• 
  

Step 3: Client as a fly on the wall

The coach now brings a third chair and requests the client to sit on this. The client’s role is now that of a fly on the wall having listened to both parties as a   neutral observer. The client needs to shift to an unemotional, rational, objective space in this role. It is useful to take a break, move about, and drink some water.

Questions may be:

• What did you observe?

• What do you think would be a meeting point for the two?

• 
  

Step 4: Client as an emotional state or another entity

On some occasions, it helps to bring or shift the client to another chair that represents a needed emotion to resolve the disagreement such as love, compassion, self- validation, etc. and/or an imaginary mediator who both of them respect to offer another point of view.

Step 5: Client re-framed

The coach then comes back to the client as the first person in the original chair. Coach inquires

• What has been your learning and insights?

• Would these help you to your desired outcome?

• Can you visualize your desired outcome as you outlined?

• What would you like to do now?

• How would you like to plan what you wish to do?

• What support do you need?

• 
  

The coach appreciates client’s progress, requests the client’s feedback and closes session.

Perceptual Positions concept can be used is Systemic Coaching work with some changes. It may not be advisable to bring out individual differences in the open while working as a team since positions tend to harden because of ego. However, diverse opinions can be brought out and reframed as a team as well as individually.

In addition to work on interpersonal issues, one can also use this process for interpersonal dilemmas, by making client express one point of view first and then its polarity or dilemma, as it may be. This helps clarify and resolve.

1. Decide on what context you are working. To start with it's recommended you choose something small, not the largest problem in your life and as you become more experienced at using the technique you can progress to larger and more significant issues.

2. Break State (Which means think about something else for a moment to clear your mind. What did you have for breakfast this morning?)

3. First Position: So this is where you consider the situation from your own perspective. You are experiencing things through your own eyes, as if you were looking at the other person. See what you see, hear what you hear, that might be your own voice, your own self talk, what the other person saying to you. Notice how you are behaving and reacting, notice the feelings that were present. That gives you the information about the situation from your perspective. Once you have gathered all the insights from Position 1, step out of that Position.

4. Break State - think about something else for a moment. What's your favourite genre of music?

5. Second Position: You become the other person. Step into their shoes and experience the situation totally from their perspective. What's their point of view? What do they see, what do they hear, what might they be saying to themselves, what do they feel? Describe the situation as if you were that other person. Having gathered all the information from their perspective, step out of that Position.

6. Break State - think about something else for a moment. Can you smell coffee?

7. Now for Third Position. So this is where you gather information from situation as if you were an Observer. You are now a neutral third party who is looking down at the event(s). Describe and gather information as the neutral third party Observer. What does it look like from this perspective? What can you learn here?

8. Break State

9. Now take those new learnings and go back to Position 1 and Position 2 and notice how things have changed in light of these new learnings and how things are different.

This is the position with three subtypes. Each of them is a Perceptual Position outside the first two, and outside the communication loop going on between first and second positions. From third position, you are like an interested, but not directly involved observer of the other two. In third position, if you were to refer to yourself in first or second position, you'd use third person pronouns such as "he", "she" or "they"

The third position is one of neutral observer – this position is all about noticing other people involved but looking at all that is going on from a neutral stand, without much emotional involvement and without being tangled in our own (or other persons) needs.

In the third position you see and hear yourself and others outside of you as if on a theatre stage. The third position allows a bit of distance and clarity but also better understanding of the relationship that is playing our between the people involved.

This third position is useful if when you want to shift from emotionally charged experiences to get an objective view. It is also useful for stepping back and getting insights into situations and seeing and hearing the bigger picture. It's a useful position for gathering information and noticing relationship dynamics going on between them.

It is a detached position, in which we are experiencing the situation in indirect way.

Someone, who lives in third position, would be seen as rather aloof and a disinterested observer of life—always on the outside looking in.

This is the Perceptual Position of an 'other'. It's the walking, seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking, believing, etc., in another man's shoes. But it needn't be a man or even a human. Second position can be that of a painting or any other object, an animal, a tree, a fictional character, an archetype, a mythical being, even a mathematical principle, an idea, a piece of music, or anything from an atom to the entire Universe, so long as it is represented as 'other' than the 'you' in first position. It can even be another part of your own mind or body. (Anyone remember the old Reader's Digest stories with titles like, "I Am Joe's Foot"?) Second position raises some interesting philosophical questions, but we won't go into them here.

This position can be in direct communication with First Position. That is, if you adopted Second Position, and spoke to yourself in First Position, you would address yourself as 'you'.

The second position is the position of empathy – it means that you are “standing in other person’s shoes” and perceiving the world through their needs, desires, emotions and perceptions and watching the world and events taking their “map of the world” into account. It is also direct experience of a situation but from someone else’s position.

Someone, who lives their life primarily in second position, is always thinking about the other person at the expense of their own needs. Co-dependents or enablers in a dysfunctional or addiction situation would fit this description. A saying about co-dependents is: When a co-dependent dies, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes, rather than their own.

Perceptual Positions is taking another position outside of the view you may normally hold. For example, if you are having difficulties in a relationship or experiencing a conflict, you can use Perceptual Positions to step outside of your own position and explore other angles.

This technique is widely used in business, political conflict situations and transformational development. In addition to being useful for improving one to one interactions, it’s great for sales teams to consider the position of the customer. It can also be used for presenters considering the position of the audience. The process will enhance your opportunity for success and expand your thinking and awareness.

It can be used before important interactions to prepare, or after in order to learn from the experience.

It is a powerful tool for ultimate self-awareness.

Perceptual positions is an exercise with roots in NLP and an amazing way to build up four things: first, self-awareness and better understanding of our own perception of the world; second, empathy and better understanding for others; third, strengthen the objective view on the situation; fourth, discover new (cognitive) perspectives and insights into any situation or relationship.

This is your own Perceptual Position as you, yourself, experience it. In NLP, we would call this a fully associated position. That is, you are fully in it and living it as if it is happening right now -- which it is. In timeline work, if you imagined yourself going back to another time in your life, or forward to an imagined future, and you did so in first position -- you would imagine the past or the future as if you were in that other time right now.

This is all imagination, by the way. No one imagining such things actually, factually believes they are time traveling. But your brain might be convinced enough to pop up with some very interesting insights.

In the first position, you are looking the world through your own eyes, you are processing it through your own “map of the world”, through your own values, beliefs, emotions, and your own needs and feelings are in the center of your thinking. The first position is your direct experience of the situation.

Someone who lives his/her life in first position would tend to focus on his/her needs rather than the needs of others—a self-centered attitude. We could say that addicts tend to see the world from first position.

By changing your perception position, you show your flexibility (proactive behavior) in an ultimate way. You will be presented with a different map of the world if you assume the position of a trapezoid artist, for example. Or the position of a fly on the wall.

By taking other perspectives to get more empathy (second position), clear objective  feedback  (third position), information and even omdenk capabilities. In fact, by being able to observe from multiple perspectives, we are so flexible that we even give  ourselves optimal feedback.

The third observation position is useful, for example, for judging a situation without judgment. If you were to look through a lens, what would you see? A Frown! Some add an interpretation: one says: sad. The other says: angry. What is the only thing you know 100%? There is a frown!

Today's NLP theory of Perceptual Positions was originally formulated by John Grinder and Judith DeLozier in 1987. It extended earlier concepts of referential index and Gregory Bateson's concepts of double and triple description. 3rd position was influenced by Milton Erickson's hypnotherapeutic concept of disassociation (as distinct from dissociation). Further developments and refinement of theory and applications were made by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein in the early and mid 1990s.

The importance of Perceptual Positions in NLP, its practical uses, and the prevalence of the model have made it one of the most successfully used fundamentals in the pantheon of applied NLP.

Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent.

When you have low or negative self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that others are more capable or successful.

You might have difficulty accepting positive feedback. You might fear failure, which can hold you back from succeeding at work or school.

Self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.

An important note is that self-esteem is not fixed. It is malleable and measurable, meaning we can test for and improve upon it.

• Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs The first step is to identify, and then challenge, your negative beliefs about yourself. Notice your thoughts about yourself. For example, you might find yourself thinking ‘I’m not clever enough to do that’ or ‘I have no friends’. When you do, look for evidence that contradicts those statements. Write down both statement and evidence, and keep looking back at it to remind yourself that your negative beliefs about yourself are not true.

• Identify the Positive About Yourself It is also a good idea to write down positive things about yourself, such as being good at a sport, or nice things that people have said about you. When you start to feel low, look back at these things, and remind yourself that there is plenty of good about you. In general, positive internal dialogue is a big part of improving your self-esteem. If you catch yourself saying things like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m a failure’, you can start to turn things around by saying ‘I can beat this’ and ‘I can become more confident by viewing myself in a more positive way’. To begin with you will catch yourself falling back into old negative habits, but with regular effort you can start to feel more positive and build your self-esteem as well.

• Be nice to yourself

That little voice that tells you you’re killin’ it (or not) is way more powerful than you might think. Make an effort to be kind to yourself and, if you do slip up, try to challenge any negative thoughts. A good rule of thumb is to speak to yourself in the same way that you’d speak to your mates. This can be really hard at first, but practise makes perfect. If you want a few pointers, check out our tips for talking yourself up.

Try: Writing down three things that you like about yourself.

• Give Yourself a Break You don’t have to be perfect every hour of every day. You don’t even have to feel good about yourself all the time. Self-esteem varies from situation to situation, from day to day and hour to hour. Some people feel relaxed and positive with friends and colleagues, but uneasy and shy with strangers. Others may feel totally in command of themselves at work but struggle socially (or vice versa). Give yourself a break. We all have times when we feel a bit down or find it harder to maintain our self-belief. The key is not to be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, and not too critical. Avoid criticising yourself to others, because this can reinforce your negative views—and also give other people a (possibly false) negative opinion of you. You can help to boost your self-esteem by giving yourself a treat whenever you succeed in doing something hard, or just for managing a particularly bad day.

• You do you

Comparing yourself to other people is a sure-fire way to start feeling crummy. Try to focus on your own goals and achievements, rather than measuring them against someone else’s. Nobody needs that kind of pressure!

• Get movin’

Exercise is a great way to increase motivation, practise setting goals and build confidence. Breaking a sweat also cues the body to release endorphins, the feel-good hormones.

• Become More Assertive and Learn to Say No

People with low self-esteem often find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others.

This means that they may become over-burdened at home or at work, because they do not like to refuse anyone anything. However, this can increase stress, and make it even harder to manage. Developing your assertiveness can therefore help to improve your self-esteem. Sometimes acting as if you believed in yourself can actually help to increase self-belief!

• Improve Your Physical Health

It is much easier to feel good about ourselves when we are fit and healthy.

However, people with low self-esteem often neglect themselves, because they do not feel that they ‘deserve’ to be looked after.

Try taking more exercise, eating well, and getting enough sleep. It is also a good idea to make time to relax and to do something that you want to do, rather than something that someone else expects you to do. You may find that simple changes like this can make a huge difference to your overall outlook.

• Take On Challenges

People with low self-esteem often avoid challenging and difficult situations.

One way to improve your self-esteem can actually be to take on a challenge. This doesn’t mean that you need to do everything yourself—part of the challenge might be to seek help when you need it—but be prepared to try something that you know will be difficult to achieve.

By succeeding, you show yourself that you can achieve. This challenges your negative beliefs and will therefore improve your self-esteem.

• Nobody’s perfect

Always strive to be the best version of yourself, but it’s also important to accept that perfection is an unrealistic goal.

• Remember that everyone makes mistakes

You’ve got to make mistakes in order to learn and grow, so try not to beat yourself up if you forget to hit CTRL+S on a super-important assignment. Everyone’s been there.

• Focus on what you can change

It’s easy to get hung up on all the things that are out of your control, but it won’t achieve much. Instead, try to focus your energy on identifying the things that are within your control and seeing what you can do about them. Learn to accept things that are out of your control.

Try: Writing down one thing that you're not happy with, and three ways you could change it.

• Do what makes you happy

If you spend time doing the things you enjoy, you’re more likely to think positively. Try to schedule in a little you-time every day. Whether that’s time spent reading, cooking or just conking out on the couch for a bit, if it makes you happy, make time for it.

• Celebrate the small stuff

You got up on time this morning. Tick. You poached your eggs to perfection. Winning. Celebrating the small victories is a great way to build confidence and start feeling better about yourself.

Try: Writing down three things you did well at the end of each day.

• Be a pal

Being helpful and considerate to other people will certainly boost their mood, but it’ll also make you feel pretty good about yourself

• Surround yourself with a supportive squad

Find people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid those who tend to trigger your negative thinking.

• Build Positive Relationships—and Avoid Negative Ones You will probably find that there are certain people—and certain relationships—that make you feel better than others. If there are people who make you feel bad about yourself, try to avoid them. Build relationships with people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid the relationships that drag you down.

NLP also assumes that we can learn by modeling successful people. By doing what successful people do, we also will be successful. First, we model the behavior we want to have. Next, we chunk down a complex behavior into bite-size pieces so we can learn and apply that behavior. This allows us to break down self-esteem into components and specific behaviors that are learnable and doable. Chunking down gives us the option of improving self-esteem with a step-by-step program.

The power of chunking down to change our behavior and our lives is immense. For example, Cathy is an eighteen-year-old high school senior with a learning disability. She is in special education classes. Because she had difficulty learning, Cathy went through most of her life with low self-esteem. After being given a copy of 31 Days to High Self-Esteem, she started practicing and applying the techniques and principles. After a week of applying the techniques to improve her self-image, a class bully told Cathy that he would not go out with someone like her because she was ugly. Statements like this usually devastated Cathy because she took them personally and they reinforced her low self-image. Instead of feeling bad about herself, Cathy told the boy that she wouldn’t want to go out with him either. This response astonished both Cathy’s teacher who overheard the conversation and her mother when the teacher related the incident to her.

Recently Cathy wrote me the following letter:

“First of all I need to thank my stepmom for buying this book and for making me read it. I was not real sure that I would be happy doing as I was told, but as it turns out I am so glad that I was handed this book and told to read it, because it has changed my entire outlook. I am somebody and I really like who I am. I also have found out that others like who I am too. I am not worthless, stupid or ugly. Mr. Bragg, thank you for being so instrumental in the changes I have made because of your book I now have some friends and I have a much better handle on who I am.

Not only do I have friends my own age but my stepmom and I are good friends now and I will always attribute that friendship to the things that I have learned from reading this book.”

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Cathy, Age 18

Cathy formed a study group with several of her friends to practice the techniques for building high self-esteem. This support group will reinforce her experience and allow her to help others improve their self-esteem. Cathy improved her self-image by chunking down complex, interrelated behaviors into single actions that she could take one at a time.

The third element of self-esteem is acting responsibly toward others. This is a critical element because this distinguishes self-esteem from an ego trip. People with high self-esteem treat others with respect and dignity. People with low self-esteem often treat others poorly. When we have high self-esteem, we do not need to put others down to feel important.

A key principle is to understand the positive intentions of the other person. The assumption is that there is a positive intention behind our behavior. This does not mean that the outcome of the behavior is positive. It means we intend our actions to get us something we perceive as a positive benefit.

Although we may dislike what the other person does, we can appreciate their positive intention. This single assumption has the power to transform relationships. The assumption of positive intentions allows us to separate the person from their behavior, we can approve of the person though we disapprove of their behavior.

The second element of self-esteem is accountability. People with high self-esteem take responsibility for their lives and for the situations they find themselves in. People with low self-esteem become victims of circumstances. Accountability is a critical element in personal empowerment.

The NLP principle that applies here is if what we are doing isn’t working, do something else. When something doesn’t work in our society, we typically try to correct the situation by doing more of it, or doing it faster, or doing it harder. When the real issue is that we need to do something different.

NLP begins with the assumption that change is possible and that change can occur quickly. If we don’t like the situation we are in, we have the responsibility to do something to change that situation. The easiest way to change our situation is to change ourselves. NLP gives us the way to do that.

This pattern can help you rapidly recover from an attack of bad self esteem. It is excellent for recovering from a failure, or from someone who had a toxic effort on your self esteem.

• Select a negative self-esteem image: Think of a time in your life when you felt bad about yourself. The first step is the only one that is unpleasant. The most powerful memory may be one in which other people were trashing you, and this negativity infected your self-esteem. Step in to the Experience. Notice where in your body these negative feelings are located. Intensify them and notice anything else about them,such as their size and shape.

• Dissociate from the experience: Stand up,move around and open your eyes. Do other things to break state. Continue with state breaking activities until you are full extracted from the negative self esteem state.

• Create powerful self-esteem imagery: Now you are going to create an image that represents the strong resourceful and positive self esteem you are about to own. Imagine seeing yourself with profound self esteem. Use all major rep systems. How would you appear in terms of your expression,gait, gestures and posture ? How would you sound? How would people react as they are enjoying your pure self esteem? Notice how it is stimulating and motivating to be in a new situation. Add to this the sense that this reality is in the very near future. It crowds out any previous caring that you had about past attacks upon your self esteem or well being. This state is very much in the moment and involved in creating a bright future. Build the attitude that you need this and must have it. Build your sense of the possibility of it, and the ways that are already real.

• Practice shrinking and resorting the self esteem image: Make a mental frame around that image of you with the high self esteem. Shrink it so it becomes a tiny little picture in the open space in front of you. Make it sparkle at you. Very quickly take that sparkling little for in the distant space in front of you and jump it right back to its previous size and aliveness . Open your eyes for a moment,then close them and think of a black screen. Now see that high self esteem image again. Shrink it again, into that sparkling dot. Now take it back to full size. Alternate this shrinking and expanding with a lot of intensity.

• Set up the swish: Shrink the high self esteem image and place it right in the middle of the horrible disturbing image. Shrink the negative image quickly into tiny gray for in front of you,and at the same time quickly,blow up the tiny dot into your full size self esteem image, so that it completely covers the negative image. Amplify the sub modalities of this positive image.Repeat this swish pattern. Say swish as you do this. When you bring back the negative image,don’t say swish. When you swish back the positive image , include the verbal “ it feels good to be me”. When you swish in the positive image,let the good feeling wash over you and flow through you.

• Challenge yourself to handle the extreme pleasure: Get in touch with the growing internal state of confidence in facing challenges. This state is supported by the memories of your power.

• Future pace, Finish the pattern and Test: Imagine yourself waking up tomorrow and finding that these images are still all around you. See yourself with the mysterious smile. Imagine people enjoying this quality of yours, and how you affect them in positive ways. Open your eyes, cultivating a fresh, eager readiness for the rest of the day. Bring up one of the negative images and see if it still has any power over you. If it does, you can repeat this exercise. Also see if you notice any effects of improved self esteem over the coming days or weeks. This may include opportunities coming your way, people reacting to you in better way, and feeling more motivated and optimistic.

Self-esteem is important because it heavily influences people's choices and decisions. In other words, self-esteem serves a motivational function by making it more or less likely that people will take care of themselves and explore their full potential. People with high self-esteem are also people who are motivated to take care of themselves and to persistently strive towards the fulfillment of personal goals and aspirations. People with lower self-esteem don't tend to regard themselves as worthy of happy outcomes or capable of achieving them and so tend to let important things slide and to be less persistent and resilient in terms of overcoming adversity. They may have the same kinds of goals as people with higher self-esteem, but they are generally less motivated to pursue them to their conclusion.

Self-esteem can play a significant role in your motivation and success throughout your life. Low self-esteem may hold you back from succeeding at school or work because you don't believe yourself to be capable of success.

By contrast, having a healthy self-esteem can help you achieve because you navigate life with a positive, assertive attitude and believe you can accomplish your goals.

Many factors influence self-esteem. Your inner thinking, age, any potential illnesses, disabilities, or physical limitations, and your job can affect your self-esteem.

Additionally, genetic factors that help shape a person's personality can play a role, but it is often our experiences that form the basis for overall self-esteem. Those who consistently receive overly critical or negative assessments from family and friends, for example, will likely experience low self-esteem.

Various factors believed to influence our self-esteem include:

• Genetics

• Personality

• Life experiences

• Age

• Health

• Thoughts

• Social circumstances

• Social Media

• The reactions of others

• Comparing the self to others

You may need to work on how you perceive yourself if you tend to experience these common problems caused by low self-esteem:

• You believe that others are better than you

• You find it difficult expressing your needs

• You focus on your weaknesses

• You frequently experience feelings such as shame, depression, or anxiety

• You have a negative outlook on life

• You have an intense fear of failure

• You have trouble accepting positive feedback

• You have trouble saying "no"

• You put other people's needs before your own

• You struggle with confidence

There are some simple ways to tell if you have healthy self-esteem. You probably have healthy self-esteem if you are more likely to:

• Avoid dwelling on past, negative experiences

• Express your needs

• Feel confident

• Have a positive outlook on life

• Say "no" when you want to

• See overall strengths and weaknesses and accept them

The first element of self esteem is appreciating ourselves, our importance, and our self-worth. Two NLP presuppositions apply here:

1. We already have all the resources we need.

2. There is no failure, there is only feedback.

Too often we focus only on our failures instead of recognizing and acknowledging our successes. A common symptom is the Imposter Syndrome where we feel inadequate or incompetent and worry that someone will discover our incompetence.

According to the presuppositions of NLP, there is no failure and we already have the internal resources we need to be successful. With these presuppositions, it becomes a matter of discovering the right way to achieve what we want to achieve.

Two important internal resources are our ability to learn and our ability to adapt. With learning capability and flexibility we have the capacity to maintain high self-esteem. Adaptability helps us cope with changes that we cannot control.

NLP is powerful because it focuses on the positive. It focuses on what we want instead of what we don’t want.

1. Identify troubling conditions or situations

Think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Common triggers might include:

• A work or school presentation

• A crisis at work or home

• A challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact

• A change in roles or life circumstances, such as a job loss or a child leaving home

2. Become aware of thoughts and beliefs

Once you've identified troubling situations, pay attention to your thoughts about them. This includes what you tell yourself (self-talk) and your interpretation of what the situation means. Your thoughts and beliefs might be positive, negative or neutral. They might be rational, based on reason or facts, or irrational, based on false ideas.

Ask yourself if these beliefs are true. Would you say them to a friend? If you wouldn't say them to someone else, don't say them to yourself.

3. Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking

Your initial thoughts might not be the only way to view a situation — so test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic or whether other explanations for the situation might be plausible.

Be aware that it can be hard to recognize inaccuracies in thinking. Long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, even though many are just opinions or perceptions.

Also pay attention to thought patterns that erode self-esteem:

• All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."

• Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."

• Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."

• Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry."

• Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure."

• Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."

4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs

Now replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with accurate, constructive thoughts. Try these strategies:

• Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Instead of thinking your presentation won't go well, try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."

• Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes — and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."

• Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.

• Focus on the positive. Think about the parts of your life that work well. Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.

• Consider what you've learned. If it was a negative experience, what might you do differently the next time to create a more positive outcome?

• Relabel upsetting thoughts. You don't need to react negatively to negative thoughts. Instead, think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"

• Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal."

When you have healthy self-esteem it means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws.

High self-esteem is having the overall best opinion of yourself, you're confident in your abilities and skills. As a result of high self-esteem you typically feel great about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others. You put great value on your opinions and ideas, very little disturbed peace and you're always on an emotional high.

People with higher self-esteem often report having happier and more satisfying lives. They’re more confident about their abilities to cope with problems and take on new challenges, and also more likely to approach new people to make friends. In some studies, high self-esteem often acts as a protective factor for many people, helping them deal more effectively with common stressors in life.

Aware to the needs and aspirations of others with the right level of attention. Focus your attention in your head centre, between your eyebrow. Apart from your brain, there is so much sensory activity in your head: your eyes, your ears, nose and mouth. Notice how all these senses create a great centre of awareness, without getting lost in thought. Just notice this area and sense your head instincts.

Mental or internal representations are the patterns we use to represent the world to ourselves in our own minds and consist of our internal pictures, sounds, dialogues, and feelings. By beginning to take control of your internal representations, you can start to manage your state in exactly the way that you want to achieve your desired outcome. A simple example is when you remember a happy time. As you remember that time now, pictures, sounds, and feelings from that time will return to you as you relive that time. Your mind makes no distinction between the original happy time and your memory of it, so if you re-enter that memory fully and completely, you will naturally re-enter the happy state that you experienced at that time.

When someone enters a panicked state, the people around them often say things like “take a deep breath,” and this is a good example of a suggestion to  adopt a more useful physiological state. Clearly, a simple shift in physiology such as taking a deep breath can affect a person’s state enormously. Other useful physiological shifts include moving from a slumped posture to an upright one or taking a few minutes to do stretches.

Deliberately accessing a useful state is called state management and being able to control your own state is vital in effective NLP work. Because one of the main presuppositions of NLP is that mind and body form a single system, state management also consists of two components:

a) entering the physiology of the desired state

b) using the mental representations of the desired state

Hurting as a result of this separation.  After prolonged periods, negative feelings of disappointment, resentment or rejection from the wider social field can develop. Building on the Separated state, you may feel angry or upset about other people’s behaviour. Although a CRASH state can be triggered by a negative encounter, you may find that you habitually go into a narrative blaming someone when you are in a CRASH state, even when the situation doesn’t really merit that judgement. Again, if there is a person who pops up when you get in a bad state, notice this not as a signal to get even with that person, but as a sign that leads you back to yourself: I am in a CRASH state. When your state improves, you can then judge if have been avoiding a necessary conversation with this person, but for now, just notice this as part of a pattern for your own use.

Separated from others in this state of mind and not available to connect with others in a more significant way.  Relations are transactional in this place. You may experience a sense of disconnection from other people, especially people who are important to you. You may feel alone and misunderstood. Again, being aware that this is a natural manifestation of a negative state is useful. If you suddenly lose a positive feeling towards others, that is a signal.

Analysis paralysis which can be caused by over-thinking a situation and getting stuck.  During stressful times, a common reaction is to overthink things. In this state, rather than identifying some useful action plan, your thoughts simply become more and more agitated as your feelings worsen. A sort of negative feedback loop is initiated. You think; that makes you feel worse; so you think more; which makes you feel worse; until eventually your mind is in some sort of melt-down. Understanding when this eroding process is taking place allows you to simply stop thinking and accept that you are in a negative state. You actually need to sit with this state or find some distraction – you cannot think your way out of it.

Reactive to events, thoughts and ideas of others. If you find you automatically react to something and are unable to pause and reflect; notice you are reacting in that way and stop. Generally, we are unable to contain a reaction not because of someone else’s behaviour, but because of our own state at that moment. Unless you are in physical danger, ‘press the pause button’

Contracted and self-protecting and consequently closed to the ideas and influences of others. Notice if any of your body seems extra tight. People generally have specific areas they contract under tension, which are yours? Once you become viscerally aware that you are contracted, you have some useful information – that you are not in a resourceful state.

A CRASH state is generally unresourceful and not useful in achieving our goals. This state is generally provoked by meeting something fearful or unknown or getting caught in a loop where our thinking is paralyzed. The CRASH state can be seen as a reversion to survival strategies of fight, flight, or freeze, and can result in confusion, conflict, difficulty in letting go and inertia.

C - contraction

R - reaction

A - analysis Paralysis

S - separation

H - hurt and Hatred

This is effectively a check list to see if you are in an unresourceful state.

Holding that environment and the resources within with positive regard and intention. Pace yourself and simply be with these resources without needing to use them for now. Let them mix and settle.

Pacing yourself in this way will allow you to pause, and gain access to your best state.

Connected to others, including the energy in the environment that you are present in now. Find a way to connect these three centres – head, heart and gut so you have access to all of your inner resources.

Centered in your mind and body so that you are in rapport with yourself and others.

Focus your attention in the lower part of your abdomen. As you keep your attention in this region, know this is your centre of gravity and gain a sense of an unchanging and grounding force. Sense your ‘gut instinct’.

Open to the world of new ideas, people and different perspectives. Focus your attention in your heart centre. Allow yourself to experience feelings towards yourself and others. Allow these feelings to simply exist without creating a narrative; without pushing them away or magnifying them. Simply allow yourself to feel. Sense your emotional instincts.

In contrast to the CRASH state, the COACH state is a highly resourceful state that we can enter in order to carry out NLP work effectively.

C - centered

O - open

A - attending with Awareness

C - connected

H - holding

This is a practice to put yourself into a good state. It was originally a way of changing your state to become ready to do some NLP, but it can be used more frequently as a simple ritual to prepare for anything.

Clean Language is a simple set of questions developed by counselling psychologist David Grove. These questions are used with a person’s own words to direct their attention to some aspect of their own experience. Asking these questions in the right context often results in an interesting new insight or the recognition of some new possibility. And if that new possibility is then questioned using Clean Language, the result can be quite profound. Clean questions invite people to consider their experience from different perspectives and they are often surprised by their own capacity to generate new, powerful and useful ideas about their own experience. They are used in many different fields, including coaching, therapy, business, health and education.

At the most simple level, Clean Language is a set of 12 questions from which assumptions and metaphors have been “cleansed” as far as possible. Clean Language can be combined with metaphors a person uses, creating a bridge between their conscious and unconscious minds. Clean Language is not intended as a tool for manipulating others

Clean Language is a new way of thinking about the way people think, with profound implications and powerful effects. As a general principle, Clean Language questions is about the positive stuff in the speaker’s landscape – the resources they have, and the outcomes they desire. The practice of listening and observing with full attention on other person’s words (and non-verbal signals) without offering advice and opinions is known as ‘behaving cleanly’ – this is central to Clean Language. Metaphors are fundamental to how we make sense of the world, and how we organize our thoughts. Clean language questions help other people to explore their thinking and the metaphors that underpin it.

The Self-Esteem Enhancer exercise is designed to give you a jolt of positive energy that can carry you through the day. The primary purpose of this exercise is to boost your self-esteem and improve your self-confidence when you’re not feeling at your best. This process of 10 steps is based on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) principles.

Step 1: Relax and Imagine

Begin by closing your eyes and relaxing your body. Breathe in and out several times making sure that your breaths are full and invigorating.

Now draw your attention to a person who genuinely cares and loves you. Imagine them in your minds-eye. Fully, experience the radiance of this person in your imagination.

Step 2: Imagine and Write

Imagine sitting at a large desk in an enchanted mystical room with magnificent ornaments and paintings.

There, you are sitting on a comfortable chair with a pen in hand, writing (and doodling) out your autobiography into a majestic hardcover book.

You are essentially writing the story of your life and how it has unfolded over the years from the day you were born. This includes all the wonderful things you have experienced, along with all the challenges you have faced over the years.

This autobiography you’re writing is about your entire life. It’s about your past, about your present, and also about the yet unwritten future that you are now starting to finally piece together.

As you continue writing you suddenly become aware of the loving person you previously had in mind. In fact, they are right there with you standing behind a glass door in another room. They are watching and observing, like a guardian angel protecting you from afar.

Step 3: Write and Feel

As you look back at this loving person, you begin to scribble notes about them in your autobiography. You describe their qualities, virtues, and features in detail on paper in front of your eyes.

You also think back to all the wonderful times that you both shared together and the love that they feel for you.

You look up for a moment and ask yourself:

How exactly do they make me feel whenever I’m around them?

How do they make me feel about myself when I’m in their presence?

How do they make me a better person when I’m in their company?

As you answer these questions, you experience a sudden jolt of confidence flowing through your body. You feel invigorated and inspired.

Step 4: Feel and Float

You observe this loving person from afar smiling back at you. It’s a warm and inviting smile that makes your heart sing.

Slowly but surely you’re drawn closer and closer to this person standing behind the glass door. In fact, a part of you detaches from your body and floats behind the glass door and stands next to this loving person.

Now, the both of you are watching and observing the “you” that stayed behind — the “you” that continues to write his/her autobiography.

Step 5: Look Back at Yourself

As you stand beside this loving person behind the glass door, you look back at your magnificent self sitting there at the desk.

You then momentarily reflect on your feelings and thoughts about yourself and wonder…

What do I look like from this perspective?

What thoughts do I have about myself?

What is this person I’m looking at and observing truly capable of?

What incredible things could this person potentially do with their life?

You reflect on these questions as you continue to watch and observe yourself sitting at the desk writing your autobiography.

Step 6: Step Inside Loving Person

Standing there, looking back at yourself, you decide to turn toward the loving person standing beside you.

You grab their hand and smile when all of a sudden you are drawn into them.

You, now, see through their eyes, listen through their ears, and feel through their heart as they watch and observe you from afar.

You are no longer “you.” You are instead a part of this person who deeply cares, loves, and adores you.

Step 7: Shift Your Perspective

As you experience this other person’s perspective of you, take time to think, observe, and consider how exactly they see you. Ask yourself:

What does this person think of me?

What feelings do they have toward me?

What amazing qualities do they see in me?

What do they believe I’m capable of?

You don’t judge or question the answers that come to you. You instead mindfully experience these answers and continue to feel the warm and positive energy emanating from your loved one.

Step 8: Transfer Person’s Perspective

Feeling what you now feel toward yourself, you progressively detach your awareness from this loving person.

As you detach yourself you transfer the feelings, words, emotions, and perspective that this person has toward you back into the body of the “you” sitting behind the desk.

As the transfer occurs, you notice yourself writing about the feelings that you just experienced.

You highlight what you feel and how that has shifted your perspective about life, about others, about yourself, and about the world around you.

Step 9: Write About Your Future

You now take all these positive feelings and begin writing about your future with a broad sense of appreciation.

As you continue to write, you ask yourself:

How am I now feeling about myself?

What do I feel capable of?

What future will I now create for myself?

What fears will I potentially strive to overcome?

What challenges am I willing and ready to tackle?

How will I now act with more confidence?

What’s different about me that will now drive me forward in a positive way?

You stop and take time to reflect on each of these questions.

You think about the profound impact that these new feelings and perspectives have on you, and you commit yourself to infusing this positive energy into everything that you do.

Step 10: Awaken to Self-Empowerment

As you conclude your autobiography, the lights in the mystic room slowly begin to dim. And as they dim, you progressively return back into your physical body.

You are now back in the present moment and time.

You open your eyes and feel a surge of positive energy coursing through your veins. You feel more alive and empowered than ever before. Anything and everything seems possible. And so you ask yourself:

What’s now possible?

What could I be, do, and have while adopting this new perspective?

What could I now do to make this an extraordinary day?

And, of course, the answers to these questions help you build the foundations for the rest of your life.

Clean Language was devised by a New Zealand-born psychotherapist, David Grove (1950-2008), while working with trauma cases such as sexual abuse survivors and war veterans during the 1980s and 1990s.

Grove later extended the fundamental Clean Language method to a number of related concepts, notably Clean Space, Clean Worlds and Emergent Knowledge. The full extent of Grove's work will perhaps take a little while to be interpreted due to his early death at 57.

The term Clean Language represents a distinct 'Clean' questioning method, and also Grove's the over-arching methodology.

In developing Clean Language, David Grove devised a set of 'Clean' questions.

'Clean' in this context meant that the questions introduced as few of Grove's own assumptions and metaphors as possible, giving the client (or patient) maximum freedom for their own thinking.

Grove discovered that the 'Cleaner' the questions were, then the more effectively the patient's metaphors could be developed into powerful resources (awareness, facts, understanding, etc) for healing and change.

While David Grove did not publish widely (Grove's only book was Resolving Traumatic Memories, co-authored with B I Panzer; Irvington, 1989) his methods achieved outstanding results, which attracted worldwide attention in the therapeutic community.

During the 1990s Penny Tompkins and James Lawley (leading figures in the Clean Language community) codified and developed David Grove's work, and wrote about it in their book Metaphors in Mind (2000). Tompkins and Lawley used the term 'Symbolic Modelling' for their blend of Clean Language, metaphor and modelling.

The model is likely to continue to evolve and be adapted and adopted in work, learning, personal development, and no doubt beyond, because it is a powerful, appropriate and useful concept.

The questions containing the verb ‘to be’ help to keep time still and are mostly used for developing individual perceptions, these are known as the developing questions.

• Is there anything else about that … ?

• What kind of … is that … ?

• Where is … ?

• Whereabouts … ?

• That’s … like what?

• How many … are there?

• Is there are relationship between … and … ?

• Is … the same or different to … ?

• Is … on the inside or the outside?

Questions containing the verb ‘to happen’ generally encourage the client to move time forwards or backwards, these are known as the sequence and source questions.

• Then what happens?

• What happens next?

• What happens just before … ?

• What would you like to have happen?

• What needs to happen for … to happen?

• When … what happens to … ?

Questions which utilise other verbs, these are known as the intention questions.

• How do you know … ?

• Does … have a size or a shape?

• What determines … ?

• Where does / could … come from?

• Can … ?

• What needs to happen?

The purpose of the questions is to let the client’s own thinking and feeling processes flow without imposing the helper’s interpretation, choice of words or mind-set. David Grove found that when he persisted with the use of Clean Language, clients tended to find metaphors and symbols to describe their experiences. The metaphors and symbols could be very ordinary things (a pie, a flower, a knife, an orange, a brick wall, a cloud) though sometimes (particularly in work with the inner child) they might seem related to myths, imagination or fantasy.

When Clean Language questions were applied to those metaphors, a whole new inner world of information was revealed. The metaphors would come alive in the client’s head, rather like in a waking dream, and things happened in that inner space that gave the client insights, new information, and a sense of moving forward through stuck feelings, making sense out of confusion, escaping from problems or contacting positive states of feeling free, happy or full of energy. Sometimes memories arise and are worked with in the same way. The helper’s job is to keep facilitating the experience by asking the questions and to keep track of the unfolding inner landscape so that each part of it is given a chance to reveal its meaning.

When Clean Language questions were applied to those metaphors, a whole new inner world of information was revealed. The metaphors would come alive in the client’s head, rather like in a waking dream, and things happened in that inner space that gave the client insights, new information, and a sense of moving forward through stuck feelings, making sense out of confusion, escaping from problems or contacting positive states of feeling free, happy or full of energy. Sometimes memories arise and are worked with in the same way. The helper’s job is to keep facilitating the experience by asking the questions and to keep track of the unfolding inner landscape so that each part of it is given a chance to reveal its meaning.

In this work, the metaphors come from the client’s own mind, unlike other forms of “metaphor therapy” that use stories and anecdotes told to the client, or where the therapist selects symbols for the client to visualise. The ability to visualise well is not necessary.

A typical Clean Language and metaphor session can take up to 90 minutes (with breaks as necessary) and if a client is working on a very entrenched problem or issue, a number of sessions may be necessary. Between sessions, the client can revisit the metaphoric scene if it is still ongoing in the imagination, and sometimes the client is asked to draw a map or sketch of the internal landscape as homework.

• To harvest information from another person: what they know, what they think, how they feel

• To explore “unknown knowns” – the deeper things that people don’t realise that they know – respectfully

• To shift someone’s emotional state

• To motivate someone to change

• To give and get effective, useable feedback

• To enhance relationships between people – even people in conflict.

Connirae Andreas developed both Core Transformation (CT) and Aligning Perceptual Positions (APP) in the summer of 1989, and tested both processes with individual clients in the summer and fall of that year.  The people Connirae tested the processes with, included people with no NLP background, as well as some who had NLP training.

Connirae first taught these processes publicly in a Post Master Practitioner NLP Training in March 1990.  This training was attended by a large group of NLP Master Practitioners and Trainers from both the US and other countries.  Because of strong positive response, she continued teaching APP and CT in both Master Practitioner and Post Master trainings throughout North America from 1990 on, with one European training in London in early May, 1992.

These processes were available as “workshop handouts” beginning in early 1990.  Connirae and Tamara first published an article on Aligning Perceptual Positions in February of 1991 in Anchor Point Magazine (the primary NLP publication at that time).  Tamara and Connirae wrote the Core Transformation book between 1991-1993, drawing upon their work from 1989 through 1993.  It was available in January, 1994.

Based on the pioneering work of Connirae Andreas, Core Transformation is a breakthrough personal change process in the fields of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), psychology, and spirituality.

Unlike many self-help methods, Core Transformation is not about will-power, discipline, or positive thinking. It’s a natural, easy process that connects us with our core self to facilitate lasting change.

Core Transformation helps us to respect ourselves more fully, to move beyond inner conflict and inner struggle into experiencing alignment with our deepest self.

Core Transformation leads people to experience states like “Being,” “Inner Peace,” “Love,” or “Oneness.”

It is an experiential change process that works with any issues or concerns.

It helps uncover what is behind these issues at the very core of our being without having to rehash our personal history and helps us connect to our deeper self to resolve those issues or it can be applied to experiences of satisfaction and richness in our lives in order to enjoy the rich core of those experiences, by increasing the richness affects all aspects of our lives

It is an engaging adventure that allows you to resolve your most difficult challenges as it opens you up to a richer understanding of yourself.  Uncover the deepest needs and desires behind the life issues that you've been trying to change.

When using the process through time, many people have an underlying sense of well-being, even when life is at its worst — like a calm harbor surrounded by a stormy sea.

• Changing problem emotions and behaviors (i.e. anger, self-consciousness, procrastination, fear)

• Career advances

• Losing weight

• Improving relationships

• Overcoming depression and anxiety

• Healing addictions

• Finding fulfilling work

• Improving all aspects of health

• Creating an overall sense of inner peace, wholeness, and well-being

In Core Transformation, we discover what our Core Outcomes are. What the deepest part of ourselves wants to bring forth.  It's been giving us clues all along.  In the moments of tragedy and despair, of challenge and frustration, of disappointment and hurt we learn something about what matters most to us.  And in those experiences of triumph and deep joy, of success and satisfaction, of richness and awe we see what's ultimately important.It is about finding the deepest value.

#1 Begin with an experience - a perceived limitation or something challenging

#2 Point out whatever the unwanted experience maybe, it is not something we decided to experience - it is something that happens to us

#3 Connect with the part that generated it - ask it what it wants and step in to that part and ask again

#4 Through the continuous questioning, there will be a core outcome which will tell you about the core transformation and core state.

This can be applied to our entire life once we know the core outcome and our core state.

Although it wasn't included in the Core Transformation book, and isn't technically a part of the Core Transformation Process itself, Connirae Andreas explored Aligned Perceptual Positions (APP) and it is generally included in Core Transformation Training.

There are 2 phases of APP:

Phase 1- Sorting the Perceptual Positions

Phase 2 - Alignment

In any interaction between two people, there are three primary perceptual positions:  Self (you), Other (them), and Observer Position. APP involves sorting the three positions and then aligning their various components.

Stepping into the self position offers a chance of being assertive and knowing your beliefs. Stepping into the other position offers a chance to be empathetic and more understanding. It provides with an opinion separate from yours. Stepping into the observer position (external neutral observer) gives a chance to look at both positions and what can be done with the resources and limitations of each.

Being stuck in any position is unhealthy.

After sorting out the positions, APP involves "aligning them".

Here are some examples of what we mean:

When you think about an interaction you've had in the past with another person, step into the "observer" position where you can see the entire interaction.

Notice, are the "self" and "other positions" equal distance from you on one side and the other?  Are they at eye level with you and with one another. What are you feeling? Are you feeling the feelings of an observer, or have you brought some of "you" into this position?  Are the sounds that you hear balanced in both ears?

These are just a few of the many elements that can be adjusted.

The process of aligning perceptual positions can transform all of your relationships as it gives you access to clean information and opens up some interesting possibilities. There is a transformation.

If you have a very strong frame, your commands will be accepted more readily. If you

have a rather weak frame, or if they happen to have a very strong frame, your commands won’t work nearly as well.

If you have quite a lot of rapport, then your command will work much better. If you don’t have a lot of rapport, then your command won’t work nearly as well.

Ideally, you will have a strong frame, and strong rapport.

If you have a very strong frame, your commands will be accepted more readily. If you

have a rather weak frame, or if they happen to have a very strong frame, your commands won’t work nearly as well.

If you have quite a lot of rapport, then your command will work much better. If you don’t have a lot of rapport, then your command won’t work nearly as well.

Ideally, you will have a strong frame, and strong rapport.

An NLP Embedded Command is a command that is inside a longer sentence marked out by voice, tone or gesture.

It is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique for "planting" a thought (state, process, or experience) within the mind of another person beneath the person’s conscious awareness. This is done through presuppositions, which are assumptions implied within verbal structures.

Embedded commands are softening language. They are good at bypassing the conscious mind to place ideas directly into the subconscious.

A command structure is called the imperative form. In English, it is formed by the a verb and an optional object. For example, “Sit down” is a command, it is a very but there isn’t an object. Some verbs need objects, (transitive) and some verbs don’t require an object (intransitive). Any verb or verb-object combination that is understood as a single command can be used as an embedded command.

Commands are best used as a slippery slope. Imagine what state of mind they are starting in. Then imagine what state they would have to be in to follow your commands. Then put in as many commands from where they are, to where you want them to be. This will depend very much on the conversation, the situation, and your relationship with them.

In addition to embedding these commands, there is another important tweak that you got to package. And this can make all the difference in the world. You need to mark these words in a very subtle fashion. You can mark it out using space, tone, intonation, volume, or even gestures if the person can see you. And the other thing to remember is to use a downward intonation. The subconscious recognizes them as commands.

There are 5 major factors to this skill.

1. Generating well-formed commands or suggestions

2. Masking the command in a jungle of information so as to cloak it to the conscious

3. Timing

4. Tonality and the tonal structure of commands

5. Unconscious Rapport

NLP Embedded Commands are useful in many contexts. They are particularly effective when leading a meeting or facilitating training. In the business world, NLP Embedded Commands are extremely effective, this is because many organisations are sharing high volumes of information on a daily basis (more than the conscious mind can process).

Once, you have decided on a set of well-formed embedded commands, what you need next is a story. It can be any story around any theme. The story acts as a vehicle to deliver the embedded commands. It feels natural and is easier to say a story that is relevant to the context and also the interest of your listener. So, it can be any story. The important thing is that you keep your listener engaged with your story. And all you got to do next is embed the suggestions within the story. The simpler and shorter your suggestions are, the easier to embed them.

Weasel phrases are suggestive predicates designed for use in the construction of suggestive sentences to set up an embedded command.

Example:

“When you..”

“You can…”

“The more you…”

“You want to..”

“If you were to…”

When you give a command, you use a specific tonality. Statements end with a flat tone at the end. Questions end with a rising tone. Commands end with a slightly falling tone. The severity and urgency of the command is related to the tone. If there is a monster standing behind your friend, you would say “Run!” with seriousness and urgency.

On the other hand, if you were reading instructions from a recipe to your friend, you would say, “add two cups of milk” with a command tone, but it would be a very polite command tone.

• Embedded Commands work most effectively with short, concise sentences.

• What you want to do is when you use an embedded command you want to be inviting, not insisting or threatening.

• You want to be confident and compelling rather than desperate,demanding and repelling.

How to use embedded commands to embed ideas?

How to use embedded commands to to encourage emotional states that would encourage a specific action?

how to convert like to dislike (and vice versa)

Resolving Shame and guilt

Future pacing

Inner Game

mandala of being

Hero's Journey

Epistemology

Intrinsic extrinsic learning

What is intention

Weasel Phrases

+ Command Verbs

+ States, Processes or Experiences

+ Commanding Tonality

= Embedded Commands

Combine the Weasel Phrase with a command verb, like "get", "become", "experience", "remember",”feel”,”imagine”,”notice”,”remember”, etc.

Tack on the state, process or experience (SPEs) you want the other person to have. SPEs include “A change of mind”, “Excitement”, “That I am right”, “You agree”, “Joy”, etc.

You've got your embedded command.

• redirect the mind to specific point

• give someone an idea

• push the frame in a certain direction

• encourage emotional states that would encourage action

1. Think of the situations in your life where you want to influence the most. And think of the person you want to influence.

2. See this person and hear the conversations you have been having.

3. Think of a set of suggestions/commands you just wish you can get this person to respond to.

4. Generate a set of well-formed suggestions with a time frame at the end.

5. Check with the examples above to confirm your suggestions are well formed.

6. Repeat 1–6.

Embedded commands work best when they are done covertly, not obvious. You need to learn to incorporate them into a broader daylight. There are ways to embed commands between sentences that hide the command. For example: When was the last time you were on a vacation and decided that you want to feel absolutely safe immediately after your tickets arrived? Of course, there is also a certain method of delivery and unconscious rapport, both of which are essential for the unconscious to respond to your suggestion. NLP

Embedded commands can point the mind to focus on something specific. By using words like look, think, feel, you can encourage a mind to fixate on something.

The idea is the person will hear the command subconsciously, and act on it, without really being aware that you just gave them the command.

The more commands you use, the more likely they will work. For example, if you were in a sales situation, and you wanted the customer to buy the product, only saying “buy now” wouldn’t be enough. Commands work, but how much they push the person toward your desired action will depend on many things.

By using an NLP Embedded Command and changing the sound, the message can be received by the subconscious minds of the audience, therefore being easily remembered in future. They do not always have to be lower and louder, yet do have to be tone that’s very different that the listeners subconscious mind picks up there is delineation.

The ‘As If’ frame is a way of exploring possibilities for creative problem solving. What would happen if some element of the situation were different?

Examples:

“What would Richard Bandler do in this situation?”

“Where will we be six months from now, and how did we get here?”

“What’s the worst thing that could happen, and how would we handle it?”

The ‘As If’ frame is the basis of contingency planning, computer systems testing, and science fiction.

This frame has many applications and is based on acting 'as if' a desired state or outcome has been achieved or 'as if' someone else is giving you information

The Blame Frame uses contrasting examples as a way to assist others to understand the significance of new concepts. The blame frame poses a series of questions that are problem oriented and lead to experiences of limitation and lack of choice. These questions demand explanations of why a person doesn’t have what they want based on their existing excuses and justifications.

The Blame Frame involves you reactively moving away from what you don’t want. It can leave you feeling powerless, vulnerable and helpless (and in victim mode.)

The ‘Outcome Frame’ is about evaluating events in the light of the desired outcomes or goals you have set for yourself. It provides a focus for what you want to achieve, the ensuing effects and the resources required to achieve it. These outcomes should of course be ‘well-formed’. The Outcome Frame gives you a firm basis for evaluating any action or anything that happens: does it help you to achieve your desired outcome, or take you further from it?

The outcome frame is created by questioning a person about the outcomes and what they are like for them. It also maximises the chances of getting what they want and can even allow them to evaluate whether they do want it.

Applying the outcome frame to situations in someones life that they regard as unchangeable may lead them to discover that many of the things that they currently accept as environmental variables can, in fact, be turned into areas of choice.

Initially, an event or action may seem logical and worth aiming for. However, when you look through the ecology lens/frame something, you consider things differently.

This is about the effect of an event or action on the larger systems of which we are a part: family, team, organisation, community, or the planet as a whole. Does your proposed action respect your integrity as a human being, and the integrity of others involved? If you feel incongruent about something, this is usually a sign that you need to pay attention to ecology.

An Open Frame provides an opportunity for anyone to raise any comments or questions about the material that interests them.  This frame can promote inclusion and therefore build rapport with participants and can be applied in various situations, such as in a training environment or in a meeting.

This is used in NLP trainings. An ‘Open Frame’ on a course or in a meeting or presentation provides an opportunity to ask any questions or provide any comments about the topic or subject area under discussion. For example, the trainer might ask: ‘Is there anything whatsoever you want to ask about NLP?’

The backtrack frame is useful for discovering the pattern which we are to follow and make sure everyone is on the same page.

The ‘Backtrack Frame’ comes in handy in meetings, discussions and negotiations. To use it, you would recapitulate what has been said using the other person’s key words and tonalities. Doing this checks agreement and understanding of what has been said, helps to build rapport, and is useful when new people join the meeting. It is also very useful to backtrack to the last point of agreement when a meeting gets stuck, so you get a chance to start over at the point before the disagreement happened.

Each person filters information differently and may come to significantly different conclusions. Backtracking is a way to make sure everyone has the same understanding of what is being discussed or decided.

A Contrast Frame is a comparison between two separate thoughts or ideas. It is used to make a comparison in which the opposite comparison has not been recognized.

This is a standard frame. We often compare and contrast options when purchasing.

If you are aiming to build motivation or explore possibilities when considering your future course, you could contrast a desired outcome with the present situation or an alternative. This puts the outcome in more perspective and makes more choices available. Obviously which aspects of the present situation you choose to highlight, and which alternatives you contrast the desired outcome with, will affect how the outcome looks.

Positive framing is the process of taking a negative or neutral experience and extracting the beneficial outcomes that resulted from the experience.

The relevancy frame is a lens you use if you think a person is “off track”.

This is another frame that’s useful in meetings. If a participant in a meeting speaks or acts in a way that is irrelevant to the agenda or the desired outcome, the question “how is that relevant?” can be used to bring the meeting back on track.

The implication or direct claim that one thing causes, or is caused by, another when there is no well-formed logical support or demonstrable, sensory-based evidence to support a causal connection. The belief is that something occurs in the world that makes you think or feel a certain way, or makes you do something. An event in the world 'A' causes you to feel, think or do 'B'. A cause and effect linguistic pattern is recognised by the use of words such as, "makes, because, if... then, as... then, since, so".

Example:

"Look what you made me do."

"Whenever you come along, our team loses."

"You make me angry when you talk like that."

"Eating fat will make you fat."

A complex equivalence is about the relationship between two thoughts, ideas, events or objects where meaning is attributed to an event. It includes statements where complex situations, ideas, objects or their meanings are equated as synonymous. What is missing is the linkage such as 'that means',' that just means', 'it must be that'.

Example:

“The boss has his door closed. He's planning to fire me."

“You're not eating your vegetables. What's the matter? You don't like my cooking?"

"You are late again. You don't love me."

"Another asylum seeker boat sank in Australian waters. The Australian government is responsible."

A mind read is where you think that you know what someone else is thinking or feeling without any sensory based information to support that idea. Mind Reads can take a number of forms.

One is where I think I know what you are thinking and feeling. Another is where I think that you should know how I think or feel. One can also hold mind reads about the future, as in crystal ball gazing and prophesying.

Example:

"You are just trying to make me look foolish."

"You know what I'm going through!"

"You don't know how hard I'm working."

"I'll never find a man who loves me. "

A lost performative is a value judgement which does not specify who is making the judgement of whether something is good or bad, right or wrong. It is where a person states their personal belief as a fact.

Example:

"You have lousy taste in clothes. It needed to be said."

"Your ideas are stupid."

"It's not good to eat all that fat."

"You need to drink 2 litres of water every day."

A comparative deletion is where there is a comparison involving a greater or lesser value in which what is being compared is not specified. As in words ending in 'er' and 'est'. "Better, best, less, least, worst, more, bigger, lighter, smaller, very, even."

Example

"Even you can understand what I'm about to tell you."

"If your tastes were better, people would like you more."

"You can do better than that."

"It would be the least that they can do."

A universal quantifier is an absolute generalisation (universal generalisation) that excludes exceptions by stating that something is true for everything. You can recognise a universal quantifier by the words, "all, always, every, never, everyone, no one, no body, none".

Example:

"He's never on time and never dressed properly."

"None of my efforts have ever succeeded."

"It always rains on my day off."

"Everyone says that about you."

A modal operator is a type of adverb that precedes a verb and indicates whether we act out of necessity or possibility - that is, because we have to do something or because we want to do something.

Generalization is the process by which elements or pieces of a person's model become detached from their original experience and come to represent the entire category of which the experience is an example. For example, a small child learns that things have 'handles' which enable them to be held, moved, opened and manipulated in some way. For example, a cup has a handle; a door has a handle; a key can be thought of as a handle; a bag has a handle; a knife and fork are handles which give you a tool to cut and hold. A tap is a handle to open and close water flow; an 'on off' switch is a handle; a remote control device for a television has a number of handles called 'buttons', and so on.

Generalisations can work for or against you. For example, having one bad experience with a member of one religion does not mean that all the people who share that religion are the same. In one context it may not be okay to use certain types of words but that does not necessarily mean that it is not okay in other contexts. Having one bad experience with a woman does not mean all women are the same, yet when people create these types of generalisations it may limit rather than enhance their lives.

Types of Generalisations include - Universal Quantifiers, Modal Operators (possibility and Necessity)

As in 'can, can not, will, will not, would, may, may not, it is possible, it is impossible'.

Example:

"It may not be possible for me to get to Thailand in January."

"I think my business is at the stage where I can collaborate with others."

"He couldn't be dumber."

"I can't get the hang of this."

Distortion is the process which allows us to make shifts in our experience of sensory data. Distortion is the process of bringing in information through your senses and then playing with that information in your mind to create new concepts, ideas and understandings. Different ways of thinking about the world, philosophy, spirituality, religion, ideology, fantasising about a lover, creating new inventions, writing fiction and producing films all rely upon the ability to distort so called reality. The ability to play with thoughts in your mind allows you to build goals of the future - a future that causes you pain or pleasure.

Types of Distortions include - Mind Reading, Performative, Cause and Effect, Complex Equivalence, Presuppositions

A presupposition is the condition or element in a statement which has to be true in order for the sentence to make sense. But in doing so we may accept something that is either true or false. It includes statements in which some unstated element must be assumed (pre-supposed) to be true in order for the statement to make sense (to be true or false). That is, the surface structure of the statements (the specific words and their meanings) omit or obscure the deep structure of the statements (their underlying message or presupposed truths). In the Meta Model, presupposition forms are named for the manner in which the sentences that contain them either delete or obscure them in the surface structure.

Example:

• An advertisement that states, "We serve healthy low fat meals", presupposes that meals are served; that the meals are healthy according to someone's criteria and that low fat is healthful.

• An advertisement for "low fat yogurt" presupposes that yogurt being low in fat has health benefits for some target group, and that regular fat yogurt could be bad for others. The image on the container will also have its own presuppositions that support the text. The placement of the yogurt container in the health section of the supermarket will contextually state the presupposition that low fat yogurt is healthy for health conscious people.

• An advertisement in a health clinic, "Prevent your next heart attack.", presupposes that the reader has already experienced a heart attack and that they will have another unless they follow the instructions in the advertisement. Another medical advert read, "Prevent your next bone fracture."

• An advertisement in a spam email had the heading, "Can this ten second trick prevent your heart attack?"

As in 'should, should not, must, must not, have to, need to, it is necessary'.

Example:

"You have to get your act together."

"I have to make at least $500,000 a year."

"I should socialise more."

"I have to get to bed early because I have a plane to catch."

These are  process verbs  which have been converted to a thing or event (noun). A common nominalization is adding "-ing" to a verb to make it a noun.

Example:

"Men have no appreciation for feelings or intuition."

"Women like you are not successful."

"The scripture says that you must do x, y and z."

"You have a hard time with decisions."

There is a deletion when we sense that some information is missing from the statement.

Example:

"I can't have a relationship until I lose weight."

"Must you wear that silly hat?"

"This situation is impossible."

"I am not comfortable with this."

The meta-model in NLP or neuro-linguistic programming (or meta-model of therapy) is a set of questions designed to specify information, challenge and expand the limits to a person’s model of the world.

It responds to the distortions, generalizations, and deletions in the speaker’s language. The meta model forms the basis of Neuro-linguistic programming as developed by then assistant professor of linguistics, John Grinder and Richard Bandler. Grinder and Bandler “explained how people create faulty mental maps of reality, failing to test their linguistic / cognitive models against the experience of their senses.”

The meta model draws on transformational grammar and general semantics, the idea that language is a translation of mental states into words, and that in this translation, there is an unconscious process of deletion (not everything thought is said), distortion (assumptions and structural inaccuracies) and generalization (a shift towards absolute statements). Likewise in hearing, not everything said is acknowledged as heard.

The function of the Meta Model is to help us identify problematic deletions, distortions and generalizations in our internal thinking patterns and our linguistic interactions with each other, and to propose ways of transforming them or revising their use in certain context

• To gather information

• Clarify meaning

• Identify limits

• Give choices

• Bring someone out of trance

Unspecified verbs are process words which don't specify to a greater or lesser degree what specifically is being referred to. Something is omitted.

Example:

"Don't force me to get angry with you again."

"You never express your feelings."

"I have been trying hard to make more money."

"That noise is getting on my nerves."

The Meta Model was extended in 1997 when Richard Bandler asked L. Michael Hall to write the 25-year update on the Meta Model. Hall's extensions are presented and discussed in his book, Communication Magic and include nine new Meta Model forms based on Korzybski's General Semantics, Cognitive Therapy and Rational Emotive Therapy (Beck and Ellis).

The Milton Model (so named after Milton Erickson) is related to the NLP Meta Model. It was based specifically on Bandler and Grinder's modeling of Erickson's hypnotic language with clients. It is often mistakenly described as a mirror image of the Meta Model, using Meta Model violations in a positive way to produce therapeutic trance. While there is significant overlap in language forms, the Milton Model contains forms which do not appear in the Meta Model (various types of ambiguity, pacing and leading, tag questions, etc.), and vice versa.

Meta Programs are mental processes which manage, guide and direct other mental processes. In other words, they are processes about or at a higher level than (meta to) the mental processes they affect. You could compare them to a switchboard that controls which two telephones will be connected to each other for the process of having a conversation, or a thermostat which controls whether your air conditioning system is turned on or off. These are both metaphors for one system that controls another system.

They are internal representations of your external experience of reality. They determine how your brain pays attention to things and what it pays attention to. It’s a form of pattern recognition, where your brain attempts to sort through what the body is sensing and experiencing.

Meta-programs are neither negative nor positive. The meta-programs you use to perceive and interact with your world either work for you or they work against you. And whether or not they work for you depends on how you live your life based on your personal goals and objectives.

A Meta Program is actually a solidified meta state. That is, if you repeat the same way of thinking and the same type of behaviour over and over again (in the same context) then eventually it will become habituated and a part of who you are. For example, if a child is constantly reminded by their parents of a past negative event the child may learn to think back to past negative events and replay them in their mind. This negative thinking may then colour how they behave in the present and how they think of the future. As an adult their attention could be more on past negative events.

On the other hand if the parents had encouraged the child to learn from the past and then shift their attention onto the future and think about what they would like to experience, then the child might not only have become more future oriented but also become more optimistic.

NLP uses a contemporary metaphor taken from computer science to describe the action of one process upon another -- programs. It is often the case in computer programming that one program controls the execution of a number of other programs, selecting which ones will run at which times, and sending them information they'll need in order to function properly.

In the early days of NLP's development, it was discovered that people use strategies for such things as making decisions or becoming convinced of something. These are not conscious strategies, but sequences of internal representations made up of visual, auditory, kinesthetic, gustatory and olfactory sensory components.

For example, in making a decision, one person might picture several options and say to himself, 'I like these two', then pick the one that feels best. (This would be a visual-constructed -> auditory-internal -> kinesthetic strategy.) Another person might prefer to first get a feeling for each of the options, picture how each might work out, then say to himself, "I like this one." (A kinesthetic -> visual-constructed -> auditory-internal strategy.)

Researchers Richard Bandler and Leslie Cameron-Bandler noticed that two people using the same strategy might arrive at very different results.

"For instance, two people might share a decision strategy with the structure: Vc -> Ki (deriving feelings from constructed images as a way to make a decision). One person, however, might report, 'I picture several options, and choose the one that feels right to me.' The other person, on the other hand, might complain, 'I picture several options, and then feel overwhelmed and confused by them.' [Both use the same Vc -> Ki strategy but get very different results.]

The notion of Meta Programs arose from attempting to discover what made the difference between such diverse responses. Because the general representational structure of the strategies was essentially the same, it was postulated that the differences came from patterns outside of, or 'meta to,' the strategy (or internal program); i.e., a 'Meta Program.'"

-- Dilts & DeLozier, Encyclopedia of Systemic Neuro-Linguistic Programming and NLP New Coding, 2000.

The initial set of Meta Program patterns was then identified and described by Leslie Cameron-Bandler in collaboration with David Gordon, Robert Dilts and Maribeth Meyers-Anderson.

Richard Bandler introduced the idea of metaprograms to NLP in the late 70s, as a way that people maintained coherence in their cognitive patterns.

Leslie Cameron-Bandler and others investigated further, using the Meta Model to identify a list of Meta Program patterns for use in therapy which eventually grew to around 60. One of her students, Rodger Bailey, simplified the model into 14 patterns for use in a business context – the LAB Profile (Language And Behaviour patterns) as set out in Shelle Rose Charvet’s excellent book Words That Change Minds.

The term ‘metaprogramming’ first appeared in John C Lilly’s book Programming and Metaprogramming in the Human Biocomputer (1968). Lilly presented the human nervous system as a biological computer, running ‘programs’ either hard-wired or learned. ‘Metaprogramming’ as Lilly describes it is changing the central control system so that we can learn more quickly and select more useful programs.

Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall’s book Time Line Therapy and The Basis Of Personality presents a very similar simplified set of patterns, and links them to Jungian personality characteristics as used in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – not entirely convincingly in my view, but then I’m not a MBTI expert.

Identifying meta-programs within yourself or within other people does take practice and some effort. You must look for clues within a person’s speech/language, within their behavior, belief systems, and physiology. The clues will always be there, however, they may be very subtle at times, and its very possible that a person may exhibit characteristics from two extremes. This means that within a specific meta-program where there are two possibilities, the person will exhibit both. In such instances, they will be somewhere in the middle of the two polar-opposites.

When it comes to identifying your own meta-programs, it’s important to keep in mind how useful they are and how they are shaping your life and circumstances. It’s possible that once you work through the five meta-programs listed here that you will determine that they do not serve your greater good. If that’s the case, then it’s up to you to make the necessary changes that will help you improve your life and circumstances. To assist you with this process, ask yourself:

• How useful and effective is this meta-program?

• How is this meta-program shaping my life and circumstances?

• Given my desired outcomes, is this helpful or hurtful?

• Do I need to make any changes? Why? Why not?

Different NLP developers and authors describe different sets of Meta Programs, sometimes with considerable overlap, sometimes with specific contextual purposes, and sometimes with great originality. It has been said that Leslie Cameron-Bandler identified as many as 60. L. Michael Hall describes 51 in his book, "Figuring Out People." And others describe other sets.

It seems reasonable to expect that more Meta Programs will be identified and described in the future. At some point, it is hoped, a refinement, reorganization and/or consolidation of some of those already identified will be undertaken. But as yet, to my knowledge, much of this work remains to be done in the overall field of NLP

In this Meta Program, a person's attention is directed either toward what they want or away from what they don't want. It also applies to a person's ability to know what they want in the first place.

A person with a toward sort is primarily focused on the attainment of their goals. They tend to be good at managing priorities and are always clear about what it is they want out of life. Therefore in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to focus their mind on the process of goal achievement. Inform them about the importance of achieving specific goals and outcomes and how this will benefit them long-term.

A person with an away-from sort is primarily focused on problems and/or the things that must be avoided before moving forward. They are good at troubleshooting, solving problems and pinpointing possible obstacles. They may set goals, however, they have difficulty prioritizing their actions and are often distracted trying to fix crisis situations. Therefore in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to present them with a problem that needs to get fixed and then hold them accountable for solving this problem.

Problems related to the overuse, or context inappropriate use, of an "Away-From" Meta Program include:

• If a person has an away-from goal, once the things they want to avoid have been avoided, there's no more goal.

Example: a person whose goal is to "not be poor." As soon as the person evaluates that they are not poor, they lose a significant portion of their motivation to make money -- until they no longer have enough, at which time they'll be motivated again. So away-from goals tend to produce inconsistent, on-off, see-sawing motivation.

• The "Away From" Meta Program, were it conscious, might be stated as a loose theory of "process of elimination" wherein a person posits that if they keep eliminating what they don't want, eventually they'll find something they do want. The problem here is that they may not recognize what they do want when they finally encounter it because their mental processes are preoccupied with identifying what they don't want. Additionally, if a person assumes that there is more of what they don't want out there in the world, and less of what they do want, then away-from thinking is the least efficient mode of attentional selection since they would have to sort through the larger number of negatives in the hope of finding a positive. It would be more efficient to perceive and identify the positives -- selecting them directly.

• In order for a person to keep moving away from what they don't want, they have to continuously notice the negatives they wish to move away from because if they didn't notice them, they couldn't avoid them. The downside of this process is that it directs a person's attention consistently to the negatives in their experience, filtering out the positives in the process, causing them to draw appropriately (given their perceptions) pessimistic conclusions. So, by looking for what they don't want, a person will keep finding what they don't want. If a person's goal were to make themselves unhappy, this would be a good way to do it.

• The "Away From" Meta Program not only affects perception and thinking, it also affects memory and imagination. A person who is using this Meta Program may have difficulty remembering positive experiences and select, from all their past experiences, only those which are negative, thus constructing a life history which presents a very sad or unsatisfactory story, despite the fact that many good things did occur. Likewise, they may come to expect negative events to occur in the future (e.g., they may adopt the "Worst-Case Scenario Thinking" Meta Program ).

• The Law of Attraction: "Energy flows where attention goes." According to this "law," if your attention is overly focused on negative things (as away-from thinking requires), you will actually attract more negative events and experiences to yourself.

The Brighter Side of "Away From"

Away-from thinking also has a great deal of value in certain contexts and for certain purposes.

Example - a professional whose job is "quality assurance." ("QA"). Most products benefit from a thorough and critical review which seeks to find, identify and fix problems before the product goes to market. People with strong skills in the use of the "Away From" Meta Program are ideally suited to such work, and often excel at it.

Another example would be military combat planning which necessarily includes considerable away-from thinking. In "Operation Iraqi Freedom", a combat pilot interviewed on television reported that his first priority during a combat mission was always, "Don't shoot our own guys," so as to avoid any "friendly fire" incidents.

Any task that requires keen critical thinking can also benefit from the appropriate use of away-from thinking. The NLP "Disney Planning Strategy" is the result of Robert Dilts' modeling how Walt Disney designed and conducted creative teams to rigorously separate the functions of dreaming/envisioning, planning/realism, and critic/approval. This powerful "envisioneering" process explicitly recognizes the positive and essential use of the "Away-From" Meta Program in the "critic/approval" stage of the process.

Toward

As an overall approach to living a happy, productive life, the adaptation of a default "Toward" Meta Program is highly attractive.

When clients who have been using away-from thinking as a default for many years switch to toward as their default and "try it on" for a number of weeks, they frequently describe it as if "a huge weight" has been lifted from their shoulders. The positive, life affirming effects of this level of change are profound.

For setting goals and direction, the "Toward" Meta Program is clearly the most appropriate choice. Toward thinking is, in fact, so important to setting effective goals, that one of the primary conditions for "well formed goals" in NLP is that they be stated in positive language. When a person is sorting for what they positively want, they are enabled the freedom to fully imagine it, design for it, set direction for it, follow through, achieve it, and experience its rewards.

The downside of overusing the "Toward" Meta Program, or using it in inappropriate contexts, is that it can lead a person to make decisions which are naive and potentially risky, not perceiving or recognizing pitfalls and obstacles which could prevent a goal from being reached.

An example would be the giddiness of 'blue sky' corporate board retreats where the participants get very creative about the company's future direction, products or organization without fully vetting the ideas with necessary away from critical thinking. In such cases the executives may return to the offices with directives which make little or no business sense and insist that employees execute them. If employees make rational objections to the new plans, they may be told somewhat ominously that they are not "thinking positive" enough.

The "Toward" Meta Program, as used in NLP, is distinguished from simplistic encouragement to "think positive" by several important factors: it is understood to be desirable only in appropriate contexts, a full ecology and contextualization is elicited before it is adopted, and when it is activated it operates automatically without the need of a person to attempt conscious imposition -- that is, the pattern itself changes, rather than merely one's judgment that a "more positive" outlook should be adopted.

Conclusion

Whatever a person's preference in terms of "Toward or Away-From" Meta Programs for any particular context, the NLP Presupposition that "Choice is better than no choice" applies, and this is true of other Meta Programs, as well. The ability to choose and run a given Meta Program intentionally as most appropriate to the circumstances is a powerful addition to anyone's personal skill set.

In cases where the Meta Program is the only pattern at issue, it can literally make the difference between a happy or miserable experience of life.

Metaprograms are especially important in:

• Building rapport

• Changing one’s perception of the world

• Flexibility in communication

• Modeling high-level behavioral patterns

• Considering attitudes and evaluating responses

• Team building

Functionally, Meta Programs operate to determine which of our perceptions are selected for attention and represented internally from among a vast array of inbound sensory data and myriad possibilities for different ways of processing and interpreting them internally. This process of selection is commonly referred to as "sorting." That is, in order to select one thing from a group of many, one must "sort" one out to be selected from all the others.

We might think of Meta Programs as "habits of thought" or "programs of attention" -- the processes we use reflexively to sort what we pay attention to from what we filter out in various contexts. The conscious mind, it is said, can attend to a maximum of 7 +/- 2 (seven plus or minus two) representations at once. Yet our sensory receptors are actively perceiving uncounted millions of perceptions every second of our lives, and our brains are processing the vast majority of that unconsciously.

Our conscious minds are designed for focus, and 7 +/- 2 simultaneous representations are fine for that purpose in most cases. But how are the objects of focus to be selected? The conscious mind would be overwhelmed if it had to select from the near infinitude of sensory choices on a moment by moment basis. By contrast, our unconscious mind routinely handles millions of sensory representations simultaneously, all the time. The question is, how is it doing that, and is it serving us in the best way at any particular moment?

What if the unconscious is habitually selecting things (to present to our conscious awareness) which our conscious mind would prefer not to be aware of at that time or place? And what if the unconscious is programmatically filtering out information we could use beneficially in a specific context? Is it possible to change the selection criteria or update it to adapt to new circumstances?

Initially it was thought that Meta Programs could not be changed, that they were "hard-wired" features which varied from one person's brain to another. This conceptual limitation was probably as close as NLP would ever come to something akin to personality typing. As recently as the mid-1990s, many NLP training institutions were still teaching that Meta Programs were unchangeable. But further research by Robert Dilts led to the discovery that Meta Programs could, indeed, be modified, nuanced, and even replaced by relatively simple NLP procedures.

Dilts discovered that Meta Programs could be "mapped across" from one context of experience to another, and that once mapped across, they could operate stabily in the new context. Subsequent development by L. Michael Hall revealed that, through a process of specific description, contrastive analysis and careful attention to personal ecology, a person could "meta state," or cognitively reframe, a change in Meta Programs even to the point where the person could "try it on" before deciding to keep the change.

These two processes will be combined and explained below. But before we get to that, let's take a look at some specific Meta Programs and their potentials for positive and negative functioning.

In theory, Meta Programs are easy to change. What takes some work is making sure the change is ecological -- that is, all parts of you want the change, it's contextually appropriate, and there are no higher level patterns which would either interfere with making the change or would operate to return any change to its previous state. Such patterns might include a person's hierarchy of values, limiting beliefs, self-other confusion, internal conflicts about life purpose or mission, spiritual conflicts, relational consequences, etc.

The principle here is that ecology trumps change. Given a conflict between a particular change and a person's deeper or higher ecology, ecology will automatically take precedence and prevail. This is a good thing, since it points to the power of our inherent ability as self organizing systems to protect ourselves from changes which we do not congruently want.

In the exercise below, internal congruency and ecology are thoroughly explored and checked. If you intend to do this process on your own, plan to spend at least a couple of days on it. Write out your answers to each of the questions, review them, take lots of notes, put the process down and walk away from it for a while, let it percolate, then come back to it and review and make changes again. Sometimes "sleeping on it" may bring new insights or internal communications about it. Take your time.

The final ecology check is that you will try the change on for a period of time to get a sense of what it would be like if you kept the change. If a part of you doesn't like it, you can decide not to keep it, or you can make changes to it so that it's fully acceptable to you. Even if you decide to keep it and change your mind later, you can always change it back using the same process, or make new adjustments to it.

Skill strengths which will facilitate use of this exercise include: good communication between conscious and non-conscious parts, the ability to associate into an imagined experience, the ability to "go meta" (disassociate) and think about the content and process at a higher level, the intention to be honest with yourself, and a sense of curiosity and exploration.

This process is adopted from the Hall and Bodenhamer "meta framing" approach to changing Meta Programs in combination with aspects of Dilts' spatial sorting and Grinder's 6-step reframe.

Making The Change (Steps)

STEP 1:  Identify the Meta Program you wish to change.

a. Specifically identify and fully describe when, where and with whom you are using it that does not serve you well.

b. Specifically identify and fully describe how it does not serve you well.

STEP 2:  Describe fully the Meta Program you would prefer.

a. Specifically identify and fully describe when, where and with whom you would like this new Meta Program to govern your perceptions, awareness and consciousness.

b. Specifically identify and fully describe how it will server you better.

STEP 3:  Try it on.

a. Physically change your location to another chair or standing spot.

b. Imagine adopting the new Meta Program in a fully associated way.

c. Pretend to use it, sorting, perceiving, attending, thinking, feeling, etc.

d. Notice how it feels, how things look, how it seems, what thoughts occur to you. Feel free to walk around with it a bit if you like, experiencing what it would be like to use this new Meta Program. Expect that it might seem a little strange at first because it is new and unfamiliar. Notice what other feelings besides discomfort arise with it.

e. Imagine some specific contexts where you think this Meta Program will serve you better.

STEP 4:  First Ecology Check

a. Step Out of the 'try on' experience and move to a new location, leaving it behind.

b. In this new location, adopt the state of mind of an detached but interested observer who can review, from a distance, the 'try on' experience you just had.

c. Check it out. What occurs to you right away?

d. Check it out from a standpoint of the low to mid neurological levels. That is, what will this new Meta program do for you in terms of perceiving, behaving, capabilities, beliefs and values.

e. Check it out at the identity level. What "kind of person" would it begin to make you?

f. Check out its broader effects. What effects would it have on the rest of your life and other people?

g. What effects would it have on your spirituality?

STEP 5:  Second Ecology Check

a. Move back to the original physical location -- where you were when you were doing steps 1 and 2.

b. Go inside yourself and respectfully submit this question to your entire inner being and all your parts: "Does any part of me have any objection to making this change, or to making this change in this way?"

c. Allow yourself to be still and quiet for a few minutes as you openly wait for any new thoughts or objections to make themselves known to you.

d. If there are any objections, acknowledge them and say an internal "Thank you" for the communication. Make a note of them and continue.

e. Specifically identify how, when, where and with whom the old Meta Program served you in some positive way(s). What secondary gains does it provide that will be important to preserve?

f. How will you preserve them?

STEP 6:  Take Care of Ecology

a. Address any conflicts, objections or incongruities. Use any other NLP processes that may be useful and appropriate, such as reframing or redefining, so that all objections are taken care of and you have resolved the old emotions, thoughts, beliefs, decisions, etc.

b. If you have difficulty addressing any of these incongruities, if any are persistent or difficult to resolve, Stop Here -- for now. You can return to this process after they have been thoroughly addressed. Consider exploring other NLP processes to address them in different ways. If you can use help with this, make arrangements to consult with a professional NLP practitioner until they are resolved.

c. When you're "good to go" and all of your systems give you the green light, continue.

STEP 7:  Permission

a. Give yourself permission to install the new Meta Program for a specific period of time. This can be anywhere from several hours, to several days, to a week or two.

b. Make the internal agreement that at the end of that time, you can decide to keep the new Meta Program, extend it for a longer trial period, or switch back to the old one.

c. At this point in the process, a person can install a new Meta Program simply by giving permission to use it.

d. To strengthen it, move back to the physical location you used during the "Try it on" process (Step 3), and "map it across" to your original physical location. This is done by fully associating back into the "Try it on" state, getting the full sense of it again, then making internal arrangements to create a mental symbol or a few words which will represent the experience. Then walk the symbol or words over to your original position and take a few moments to accept and integrate the symbol or words into your consciousness. Allow it to "self-organize" in its own way, and allow yourself to experience the new Meta Program again.

STEP 8:  Final Ecology Check

a. Go inside and check to make sure all is well and you are excited and looking forward to using this new Meta Program for the time period you have specified.

b. If any last minute ecology issues arise, temporarily put a 'hold' on your permission, walk the symbol or words back to the "Try it on" location, leave them there, and return to your original position and state. Then go back to Step 6.

c. When all is well and you are "good to go," continue.

STEP 9:  Future Pace

a. Practice, in your imagination, using the Meta Program in as many future contexts as you like, until it feels comfortable and familiar.

b. Return to the present and enjoy your new Meta Program!

In this Meta Program, a person's attention references either oneself or another. Like other Meta Programs, the operation and use of self/other referencing is generally non-conscious though its effects may be keenly felt.

Self or Internal Frame of Reference

Self Reference is the selection of evidence and criteria based on reference to one's own perceptions, beliefs, values, etc. It is related both to self-confidence, at the healthy end of the spectrum, and sociopathy at the other end.

A person with an internal frame-of-reference is very intuitive and self-oriented. This means that they often make decisions based on personal feelings and opinions. They must feel within themselves that they’ve done a good job or made a good decision. Therefore, in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to talk about their experiences and allow them to make up their own mind about the issue at hand.

As an example, if a person using Self Referencing is asked how they know when they've done a good job at work, they might say something like, "I can see when it's good." And if the question is put, "What would your reaction be if others found fault with it?" their answer might be along the lines of, "That would be their opinion."

Other or External Frame of Reference

Other Reference is the selection of evidence and criteria based on reference to the perceptions, beliefs, values, etc., of others - whether the evidence is real or imagined. It is related both to compassion, at the healthy end of the spectrum, and co-dependence at the other end.

A person with an external frame-of-reference is very much focused on others. They are consistently seeking external answers and approval from others. As a result, they make decisions based on people’s opinions, perspectives, and actions. Therefore in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to provide them with your own suggestions or talk about other people’s ideas and suggestions and how they can be of value in this situation.

For example, if a person using Other Referencing is asked how they know when they've done a good job at work, they might say something like, "I can tell by people's reactions," or, "They'll tell me that it's good." If the follow-up question is asked, "What if they don't think it's good and you disagree?" they might answer, "I'd have to wonder what I did wrong."

Conclusion

This Meta Program should not be confused with descriptors like "introverted" or "extroverted". In some ways, Self/Other Referencing is the opposite of introverted/extroverted. Ironically, Self Referencing is more likely to go with extroversion and Other Referencing is more likely to go with introversion.

A person who has appropriate choice and flexibility with regard to whether they are self referencing or other referencing in a particular context is likely to have both self confidence and the ability to take into account the feelings and points of view of others.

Other factors are often present when a person self references or other references habitually without a sense of choice. Such factors include self-other confusion, self-concept, and depth of self understanding and awareness. Problems related to the overuse of self or other referencing sometimes self-correct when these other factors are successfully addressed. Therefore, it's generally more useful to address these issues first (i.e., if self/other confusion is present, changing self/other referencing will be ambiguous).

Attention is focused on what is the same or what is different.

Whether a person notices commonality, like-ness and similarities or differences, dislikes and contrasts depends upon this Meta Program. This sort also effectively determines how much a person will agree or disagree with you throughout a conversation.

Match

A person with more of a matcher sort is often optimistic, very approving, and tends to look for similarities and common ground while conversing with others. They, therefore, base their decisions on the similarities they see in others, in circumstances, and in life. Therefore in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to listen intently and find common ground. Mirroring their experiences, beliefs, values, and perceptions will help you to develop a strong emotional bond and greater levels of rapport.

Matching is important for rapport and relationship building, since connecting with someone, or meeting them in their world view in order to better communicate, involves perceiving and communicating in 'like' ways. The concept of like, or match, is built into our language even to the point where, if we want to express an affinity we have with another person, we say we 'like' them. If we have negative feelings about someone, we say we dislike them. Matching is also important in seeing connections or associations between sets of ideas, motifs, themes and a broad range of integrative processes both within and across different fields of study and endeavor.

Matching becomes a problem when it is overused or used without choice. In relationships, over-matching can lead a person to forget their own boundaries and unique sense of self. They may become more compliant or accommodating than is good for either them, their partner, or the relationship as a whole. By matching too exclusively early in a relationship, a person may not discover how the other person will behave when differences emerge later in the relationship after commitments have already been made. Since adults with full access to both matching and mismatching capabilities realistically expect that no two people are exactly the same, they may view someone who matches too consistently as either lacking in character or having a hidden agenda.

In other contexts, the overuse of matching can result in the failure to recognize important new information, essential differences which might strongly indicate a different course of action, or failure to appreciate the unique gifts and qualities in any person, team or situation.

Mismatch

A person with more of a mismatcher sort often tends to go against the grain. They tend to find faults in things, in circumstances, and in others. They always look for differences and will tend to disagree with you no matter what you do or say. Therefore, in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to become proficient at using reverse psychology.

Mismatching is essential to sorting, itself. If I can't tell any difference between two or more things, they are effectively the same to me and I have no basis on which to sort them from each other.

Our brains and nervous systems are designed to notice difference. Something that is no longer different enough to warrant notice needn't be brought to conscious attention. 'Different' gets our attention, and our awareness of it is important to our survival. Mismatching is also important in discriminating the desirable, sensible or functional from their opposites.

Mismatching, when overused, can obstruct productive relationships, contaminate cooperation, reduce available choices, ignore important connections, segregate whole class groups of people, and generally cause strife and conflict. At its extreme, especially when combined with disassociation, it can lead to violence on a scale from interpersonal to international or intercultural.

Conclusion

Both "Matching" and "Mismatching" Meta Programs are essential and valuable in balance and given appropriate choice and context.

The Necessity or Possibility sort is based on whether a person makes decisions based on necessity or primarily based on possibility.

A person with more of a necessity sort often settles for what life gives them. They primarily make decisions that are based on avoiding pain. They will settle for what’s available and don’t care much about options or varied experiences. Therefore in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to focus on making them feel secure and comfortable with their decisions. Provide them with something that’s familiar, easy and safe.

A person with more of a possibility sort often seeks variety and opportunity. They primarily make decisions that are based on gaining pleasure. They, therefore, don’t like to settle, but rather go for what they really want in life. They are motivated to look for possibilities that will help them expand their opportunities. Therefore in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to focus on presenting them with challenges; informing them about the risks that they will need to take to get what they want, and the inevitable opportunities that will be available once they take positive action.

This Meta Program was identified by L. Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhamer.

Similar to "Toward vs Away-From", this Meta Program is distinguished by its specific reference to the future, the formation of expectations, predictability, control, and beliefs about possibility.

While sorting for positive possibilities sounds better than sorting for negative possibilities, both have their usefulness in specific contexts.

It's important to note that a great many people suffer on a daily basis in ordinary circumstances from the consistent overuse of worst case thinking applied in their lives transcontextually, as almost a philosophy of life which they generalize to their thinking about their relationships, their jobs, their health, etc. -- even to simple, everyday tasks such as fixing breakfast, e.g., "What if I don't have enough to eat someday?"

Best Case Scenario

The best case scenario does offer the possibility for a client being more willing to step in to change, and create positive futures.

It does have its problems. Those who overuse it, without balancing it with its opposite, could be described as looking at the world through rose colored glasses. By not considering risk and problems, it may allow the client to make some giant mistakes. It prevents a client to create a solid structure of life, where any potential problems are less likely to occur.

Worst Case Scenario

Like away from thinking, worst-case thinking can be an important capability if specific worst cases are realistically assessed and can be adequately planned for. In some cases, worst case thinking is like a sort of reverse-optimism.  Frequently, people who sort for the worst case believe they are simply being more realistic than others who sort for the best case.

Some specific problems with the overuse of worst case thinking include:

• When negative events do occur, a person may come to view them as evidence to support further negative expectations. As they increasingly sort for worst-case futures, they may become unable to envision positive outcomes at all, so they may see no point in taking positive actions which could further their self-development, health, career, relationships, and so on. The result is a self-fulfilling negative prophesy which works to undermine a person's progress and happiness.

• When "Worst-Case Scenario" Meta Programs form the content of Meta Framing (thinking thoughts about thoughts about thoughts), the effect can be a self-reinforcing closed loop which escalates to panic. For example, I might notice a slight pain in my finger and think (in worst case style),

"What if it's cancer?" > "What if it's incurable?" > "Then I'd have to go through hell." > "I'll have to spend all my money on treatments." > "And I could die." > "I wonder how long I might  have." > "What if it's a very short time?" > "I better do something!" > "I better do something NOW!" > "But I don't know what to do!" > "HELLLP!!!" ...etc., all the way to a full blown panic. People who get themselves into similar patterns often realize that their thinking doesn't make much logical sense, but they don't know how to stop it. Their "Worst-Case" Meta Program and Meta Framing are running the show.

• Limiting Belief change work in NLP, particularly regarding possibility and capability may be difficult or impossible while a default, over-generalized "Worst-Case Scenario" Meta Program is in operation because a person may not consider more affirming beliefs to be realistic and thus, may not want to change the limiting beliefs. It makes perfect sense that, if all I perceive and consider is negative, I will have little evidence on which to base a more positive belief. At the same time, limiting beliefs about capability may self-heal when a person de-generalizes worst case thinking and installs the ability to use best case thinking in a balanced and appropriate way. This effect is due to the fact that the person can now perceive differently and thus become aware of evidence in support of positive possibilities. When they realize they can do that, their beliefs about capability may change.

Conclusion

It bears repeating that choice is better than no choice in regard to Meta Programs. A person's health, happiness and effectiveness are greatly enhanced by the ability to have full access to either Meta Program according to what a person considers appropriate and useful in a given context.

Be careful to assess in best and worst case scenario thinking, if the thinking is realistic annd to make sure that regardless of how the client sorts, adequate steps are taken towards positive action, the type of action that does allow us to move forward into change, and create well formed outcomes. But doing so in a way that we are prepared for whatever the future may bring, building stronger foundations. In that sense, a well trained NLP Practitioner or NLP Master Practitioner can help the client put a program like this together. By shifting the client into a place of what is possible and solutions that increase the chances of success.

Many successful and generally happy people find that a good model for balance between these two Meta Programs.

In this Meta Program, attention is directed either to the big picture or to details.

Big Chunk

Big chunk thinking is useful for envisioning, perspective and setting direction. It can "take in" broad patterns and trends and make associations between them for the benefit of the whole.

In NLP, the process of taking a thought or perception pattern to bigger chunks is called "chunking up." The process of moving to smaller chunks is called "chunking down."

Problems arise in big chunk thinking when small negative events are overgeneralized, or chunked up, to the point where they are perceived as pervasive or permanent. Chunking up is part of the process of "depressing" (that's "depression" denominalized) when it's combined with associated negative experience. It is also involved in "awfulizing" -- taking something relatively benign and interpreting it in more and more "awful" ways.

The reason NLP denominalizes "depression" is because NLP views "depressing" as something people do by using a number of different processes. It's fairly easy to teach someone how to create, for themselves, a really depressed state. Not that you'd want to. But it demonstrates the process theory of "depressing".

Other problems with the overuse of big chunk thinking include ineffective dreaming -- having lots of big ideas but never doing anything about them -- grandiosity, and passivity.

Small Chunk

Small chunk thinking is useful for executing on a plan and making progress in manageable steps. It can be an important part of optimism and a person's perception of having the capability to move toward larger goals.

Problems arise in small chunk thinking when context is lost and one can no longer "see the forest for the trees." Chunking down is part of the process of "obsessing" -- repeated choiceless attention to a specific small frame of reference or intention. This would also be the pattern for "penny wise, pound foolish."

Small chunking in combination with "Worst-Case Scenario" can easily map to "anxiety". Anxiety becomes panic or depression when it chunks up. Some individuals, in fact, run a strategy wherein they first chunk down, sort for small negatives, then chunk up and feel depressed.

Conclusion

Most people have a default preference for big or small chunking, and that's part of what makes the world of people an interesting and diverse place. As with the other Meta Programs, the desirability of using one or the other depends on the context.

In general, people who use one form of chunking a lot will be less skilled in the use of the other -- just as any skill increases with use. So practicing the weaker skill will be more effort at first, then less effort over time, and will create more balanced capabilities over time. An appropriate balance and the ability to choose which Meta Programs to use in different contexts represent powerful tools for health, success and happiness.

Association and dissociation are fundamentally perceptual positions.

People generally have a default preference for associating or disassociating, as well as context dependent preferences. Like other skills, the ones we use most often are the strongest.

Association

Association represents the shift of the attentional focus inward (to somatic sensations)

Association is useful for getting "into" experiences fully, feeling the feelings, seeing the sights, hearing the sounds, etc. It is important both for relationships and internal congruency.

Problems arise in the overuse of association when a person gets "stuck" in a perceptual position which is unpleasant, painful, inappropriate, confused, or in some other way negative. People with strong skills in associating, but relatively weak skills in disassociating, may be more likely to use external substances, ritualized behaviors or excessive means to help them disassociate from their experience -- rather than internal skills in moving between perceptual positions.

In a sense, it can be said that a person is always associated with one perceptual position or another. Dissociation would be, then, being associated into a 3rd or 4th perceptual position -- that of "standing off from" or "out of" an experience as an observer.

Dissociation

Dissociation represents the shift of the attentional focus outward (away from somatic  sensations).

Dissociation is useful for such things as perspective, meditation, pain management, and behaving effectively in certain kinds of difficult or dangerous situations.

As with any skill, learning a brand new one often involves effort and some level of discomfort or frustration before the skill gets to the point of easy competence. Whether a person is more adept at associating or disassociating, learning the other skill may feel unfamiliar or awkward at first precisely because moving between perceptual positions is not something most of us were taught at an earlier age at home or in school.

Problems which arise in the overuse of disassociation may include lack of empathy, "inability" to connect well in relationships, limited awareness of one's own emotions, or a loss of joy and passion for life. In the extreme, disassociation is a feature of sociopathy.

The ability to move with intention between association and dissociation is sometimes described as "a doorway" to a world of rich learning and new capabilities.

Other Types of Meta Programs include:

• Options and Procedures: Some people like to make up things as they go along, while others prefer a routine.

• In-Time and Thru-Time: Some people prefer to be “in the moment” and fully engaged, while others are planning their next moves and future.

• Detail and Global: Some people prefer the details, while others prefer a map of the bigger picture.

• Feeling and Thinking: Some people prefer to feel their way through things and rely on intuition, while others prefer to think their way through things.

• Sameness and Difference: Some people easily see how things are the same, while others more easily see how things are different.

• Convincer Strategy: This meta-program involves what it takes to convince someone of something.

The Self or Other sort is based on how a person thinks about themselves in relation to others.

A person with more of a self-sort can be very self-centered and disassociated. They primarily make their decisions based on their own personal interests — based on what’s “in it for them” in any particular situation. Therefore, in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to look at ways you can meet their needs. You must help them make a decision based on satisfying their own needs, wants and desires.

A person with more of an other-sort is often very curious and focused on the needs of other people. Therefore before they make any kind of decision, they will often think of what’s in it for others and how others will benefit from this decision. They will, in essence, put other people’s needs ahead of their own. Therefore, in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to focus your conversation on the needs of others. Outline the benefits that other people will gain from this situation and how this could potentially improve their lives.

• Improving meta-cognition: To understand something better, so that e.g., one can teach it.

• Improving performance: So that you can repeat something over and over and refine it until it's really good. For example, an athlete. Here, the top experts are closely examined.

• Achieving a specific result: E.g., spelling, fighting phobias or diseases. Here, successful cases or examples are examined.

• Transferring to other content: Processes that are useful in one area of life or context can be transferred to another area.

This is a form of ‘deep trance identification’, and has a similar structure to the ‘perceptual positions’ exercise.

• Choose your success model – Select someone with skills you would like to explore and improve. It’s important that you’ve seen them perform the activity you want to model – either in real life or on film or video. The more time you spend watching and listening to them in a neutral state, the better..

• Imagine them performing. Sit comfortably, and imagine watching and listening to this person perform. Play a movie in your mind of their performance. Imagine yourself getting into rapport with them as they perform.

• Imagine (in any way that makes sense to you) floating into their body. Replay the movie as them, let them do the work, but see, hear, and feel what they see, hear, and feel as you replay the movie.

• Float back into your own body (again, in any way that makes sense to you). As you leave their body, take all the learning that’s useful to use now and/or any appropriate time in the future. In your mind, replay the movie, with you as the main actor, exhibiting all the useful attributes of your model.

• Repeat once or twice. So that you feel comfortable with your performance.

• Break state. For example, focus on the floor and notice the texture of the flooring, and then continue with whatever you want to do.

• Find a safe environment and practice your new skill. Keep practising, and take in any useful feedback.

• Determine the desired skill or ability to model, as well as the person(s) possessing this ability.

• Create a situation or context in which you get at least three different specific examples of how the people you want to model demonstrate the desired skill. a) Use the following perceptual filters to find the critical factors in each example:

• Accessing cues

• Speech patterns - meta-model, predicates, etc.

• Physiology

• Representational systems, strategies and submodalities

• Meta-program patterns

• Beliefs and values

• Logical levels

b) Determine which factors are the same in all three examples.

• Find at least one counterexample - i.e., another person or others (including yourself) who cannot adequately demonstrate the skill or situations in which the model failed to adequately demonstrate the skill. Determine the critical factors of the counterexample(s) by using the same filters as in step 2a.

• Contrast the critical factors in the three successful examples with the critical factors in the counterexample(s). Pay attention to significant differences.

• Change all the significant critical factors of the counterexample(s) so that they match the significant critical factors of the successful examples until you find the desired behavior or result in the individuals or in the situations that make up the counterexample / counterexamples. If the change in these factors does not lead to the desired behavior or result in the person / persons or in the situation / situations, then find other more appropriate or stronger examples for modeling and repeat the process from step 4 until the desired behavior or result is achieved.

• Now start to change the critical factors that contributed to achieving the desired behavior or outcome, one at a time. a) Find the limit by determining how far you can change the factor before changing the result. b) Principle of Elegance: find the minimum number of factors necessary to achieve the desired behavior or results.

Implicit modeling means going primarily into the second position with the person being modeled in order to personally get an intuitive sense of what subjective experience they are doing. Explicit modeling means going into a third person (position) to describe the explicit structure of role model experience so that it becomes transferable to others.

Inside modelling is modelling what is going on inside your awareness, conscious thoughts. Behaviours, physiology.

Outside modelling is modelling what is going on outside of your awareness, unconscious thoughts and actions. Values, Metaprogrammes etc.

In successful modeling, a particular phenomenon or occurrence is viewed from multiple perspectives. Here the three positions of perception from the view of the NLP Practitioner are very helpful to us.

The first position represents your own perspective - the situation is experienced as fully associated with yourself.

Modeling from the first position means to try out something yourself and to investigate how "we do something." We see, hear and feel from our own perspective.

The second position is the perspective of the other - you look at yourself and the situation dissociated from yourself.

Modeling from the second position means standing in the shoes of the person being modeled and trying to think and act as much as possible like that other person.This can convey important intuitive insights into meaningful but unconscious aspects of the thoughts and actions of the modeled person.

In the third position, you are an uninvolved observer and thus take an outside perspective.

Modeling from the third position would mean stepping back and as an uninterested observer witnessing how the person being modeled interacts with others (including ourselves). In the third position, we override our personal judgment and only pay attention to what our senses perceive, such as a scientist would study a particular phenomenon through a telescope or through a microscope.

The fourth position would be a kind of intuitive synthesis of all these perspectives in order to get a feel for the whole "form".