As darkness fell
She looked up at the sky
Where has time gone by?
Is that the person with whom I fell in love?
With whom I woke up smiling
Feeling kissed by the heavens above?
Our hearts have grown apart
I don’t even know
When did it all start?
Was it him?
Was it me?
Or was it just fate and destiny?
It is so cold out here
I hope to be held
My heart cries out
Can’t he hear what my screams can tell?
She was so warm
When she held my hand
Her every touch
Melted every trace of pain I had
Now it all seems like a distant dream
Only a storm rages on
Yesterday, would you please come and find me.
The irony of two hearts that would love to be together but somehow lose their way to each other and even themselves sometimes.
Have you ever felt that way?
Have you ever craved your better half?
Felt that you are the only one working for the relationship?
Ever felt that you had lost yourself?
Been taken for granted?
Only one working to make ends meet?
Or even alone, in the relationship?
Sometimes in a relationship, one might feel that they are giving more than the other. They could feel that they are not giving enough to themselves and pulling a bandwagon. Sooner or later, the other also starts to feel the same.
A woman often perceives that she is giving more of herself emotionally & mentally than her man. The man could feel that he is the only one providing monetarily. While emotions are intangible and money is tangible, both the man and woman are giving in their most natural ways.
In spite of being in a relationship, one can still feel lonely and alone. One might wonder, “Is it the relationship, or is it something else that I can’t put my finger on?”
You might try and fix aspects about yourselves that your partner may not approve of, you might try and get your partner to change and even fight to make things work and feel loved. But somehow you just keep coming back, trying to put together pieces of a puzzle that just doesn’t fit.
Is it true that the other person is to blame? Or were you the one who left yourself first?
Think of all the places you altered yourself, gave up on things you loved to be in a relationship or keep the relationship. Plans you let go? Dreams you packed up? Or still more significant, a life you let go, just so that you can be in a relationship. Where all have you done that?
Have you let go of your ability to choose?
Did you have a picture of a life you wanted to have, places you wanted to go, or adventures you wanted to experience?
Have you shut it all down? Put it away because you are pleasing someone else? Because you have resigned to your situation? Because you love the other? Or you just want to have that relationship and nothing else matters?
If you say, “I do this because I love him or her” and, “That is my choice”, you should have no complaint at all.
Truth, do you have complaints?
If you have any dissatisfaction in your relationship,
Ask "Am I upset with him? Or because I’m not doing the things I like? Is it because somewhere I have given up on me?"
Most of the time, what you are missing is YOU! You have given up so much of yourself that you feel empty. And that’s where all the complaints start.
A lot of times it also happens that we expect the significant other to give up things they like for us, we make them change for us and then complain, "That was not the person I fell in love with." Hello! Wake up! You made him/her change, didn’t you?
At other times two unhealed hearts may come together. An undeniable pull brings them closer, but as they have not healed themself or worked on themself and hence there is also a distance between the two. This space within them, filled with the unknown and unseen, causes miscommunication between them, friction and sometimes even unintentional pain is therefore created.
How can they treat each other well when they are still a mystery to themselves?
“But LOVE is growing and experiencing self in the presence of another.”
Would you now want to have a relationship that is expansive and contributive? A relationship where you are having fun? Then start by loving yourself first. Start with building your relationship with you, do the things you would like to, whether or not your significant other likes it. Remember you are doing this to reconnect with you, the part of the puzzle that you have been missing. At the same time, respect and give your partner the same space to reconnect to themselves. You’ll do not have to like all the same things and do not have to do everything together. IT IS OK IF YOU DON'T. Start creating a relationship that works for you not as per the norms of the society.
Your relationship is not threatened if you like to do different things, and it certainly does not
mean that you’ll are not compatible. If you are happy doing all the things you love and which add value to you, that’s what you will bring to the table and vice versa. You’ll are not clones; you’ll do not have to like all the same things. Once you are happier, the relationship will blossom. Let the relationship be expansive and not a contractive one.
The shift comes when both commit to turning inward to heal/ know themselves. This will naturally bring them closer together and elevate the love and support they give each other. Be willing to give more or become more so that we can allow the other person to grow.
The important thing is to understand, over a period of time, things have changed, people have, and for love, we too should reflect and ask, how we can.